I rediscovered BTS.
YES. REDISCOVERED.
See, I stumbled across BTS about a year or two years ago. I was watching Superwoman on YouTube cheering on about something when 'DNA' popped up. I watched it, smiling at all the colours in the video, but then I had so many question marks hanging above my head and so I decided to focus on the task at hand and logged out.
Fast forward to late August 2018, and then I was watching some Korean programs on KBS, and I saw BTS again. 'Idol' was the video, and I looked at the icon for about a minute, then told myself I'd come back and watch it. I spotted something else and forgot about it.
The video resurfaced in mid September and I clicked on it, and instantly regretted not watching the video before. Soon after, I found myself rewatching the video, then the dance choreographies, parodies, and then I stayed up one night watching as many MVs by the band as I could find.
Finally, I could slowly differentiate the members.
•V was the easiest to differentiate because of his eyes. They were the biggest in the band. I'd call him 'Big Eyes'
• J-Hope was easy to distinguish because of his hopeful energy hahaha. I'd call him 'Hope International' if there wasn't an NGO with that name
•The next was Suga, but I kept confusing him with Jimin for some strange reason, then with Jungkook soon after. Then I realised Suga's eyes were the smallest and reminded me of a happy cat. I'd call Suga 'Cat.' Sorry ARMY.
• Jimin was easy to differentiate from Suga because he had a really cute smile that made his eyes turn bow shaped. Plus he was a sucker for hugging. I'd call him 'Huggzy' or 'Olaf' but ARMY believe he has the best abs in the band, so they probably have a name for him...
• For the longest time, when watching 'Idol' I thought that V was RM at the SnapChat/Instagram filter part of the video before the first chorus. Later, I discovered RM had dimples, and V didn't. RM is jokingly referred to as 'Rainbow Monster' but I'd call him 'Rainbow Dimples' because J-Hope has dimples too. Bet you didn't know that! He also goes by 'The god of Destruction.'
•Jungkook had a baby face, and he looked quite cute and younger than everyone. For quite a while, he looked a lot like Jin and I had the hardest time deciding who was who. Eventually, I realised that Jungkook had the second biggest eyes and they looked rounder than V's, and earlier videos indicate child-like wonder in them. Can't say the same for now hihihi... Everyone in ARMY calls him 'International Playboy' because he calls himself that anyway.
•Jin... The man of the daddy jokes. He was pretty cool and I thought he'd make an amazing BFF, simply because he had a lot of confidence in himself. Once I established he was the 'World Wide Handsome' guy, everything fell into place.
Now, the reason I worked so hard for close to a week to differentiate them from each other was because of Bel Watson, one of my favourite Wattpad authors. See, we tweet each other back and forth once in a while, or rather I tweet her and she responds, and this was due to my confession to falling in love with my rediscovery of K-Pop. She dared me to learn the names of my favourite band's members at that moment and differentiate everyone from each other.
Since I was on a very long leave, I did that and was glad to know who is who. Now I am learning to tell which voice belongs to which member.
My Kpop music affair does not end there though. MomoLand was my first band before the rediscovery of BTS, and I rewatched 'Boom Boom' twenty or thirty times just to learn the choreography, which I messed up at the first dance video I ever did on YouTube, so I decided to go along with whatever style I would remember.
The only person I might know is Rose in MomoLand. I actually feel guilty differentiating the members of VAV over Twice, APink, and MomoLand because VAV has 7 members, so does GOT7 and BTS. The lesser the easier. That still doesn't mean I know who is who in BlackPink. Sorry guys. I promise I will take the time to learn.
I love how dynamic KPop music is. Of course the allegations of plastic surgery are sad, the poor payments are discouraging, but the happiness I feel while listening to, or watching their music makes me happy. I remember watching Whitney Bae interviewing VAV recently and Ziu was staring at her and she was like 'I just met a bigger troll than me.' I had my doubts about trolling, but as always, I take everything out here with a pinch of salt.
My next blog post will probably be about VAV... Or something related to KPop. This is a heads up of some sort.
I look forward to our correspondence soon. Bye guys!
Sincerely,
Me.
Wednesday, 5 December 2018
Sunday, 25 November 2018
Lesson 32: of procrastination, apathy and hot afternoons
It is 28°C outside and I absolutely do not see the point of going out to stock up my house. See, I've been at my friend's house for a sleepover since Friday and I brought her heat-stroked bananas that look absolutely creepy (I bought them in the dark and I have to thank or blame, either way, my poor night vision for that). She is running low on supplies too, and is preparing to go out and purchase them. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how to escape the scorching sun while walking back to my house, of which I will lose track of time again and end up with no dinner. Again.
Don't even get me started on the forms I was supposed to print on Friday afternoon, but which I postponed to yesterday afternoon and which I still haven't done until now. Honestly speaking, I am having my doubts about having come for the sleepover.
It is so much hotter here because we are also closer to the equator, and the slow rural life makes you slow down until Monday morning. I guess this place works better for students than for me.
I have a novel I promised I'd read, but I haven't even looked at it's cover once I placed it in my bag.
So what am I doing with all my hours? Well, even I am not sure. One minute you're nursing a glass of water or a cup of tea and it is 1.00pm, the next minute it is 5.00pm and your laundry is still waiting to be folded up. Where did the time go? I really wonder too.
While I was on leave, the afternoons were too slow, I actually had to dance through them to get to 6.00pm. You'd read a novel and find yourself wondering if it was already an hour, but when you looked at the phone or clock, only five minutes would have gone by.
I am still wondering about how to handle my procrastination. I sincerely can't think of how to leave the coolness of my house for the heat of the blazing afternoon sun. Yes, an umbrella would be great, but then I'd probably forget it somewhere. My mum advised me to buy a hat, but I'm feeling too worried about the heat to actually go buy a hat.
You know, years ago I actually beat procrastination by telling myself that I would do something as soon as I had to, and that was my principle. Sometime last year, I caught the procrastination bug due to exhaustion from work and now I can't seem to shake it off. I really need to make a change. A huge change. I just don't know how to do it... Maybe I should start with the printing and hat this afternoon?
I also wish the apathy would just go away. I know that my character as a Pisces sometimes makes me look really lazy and uninterested, but most times I just have too much on my mind and I can't bring myself to focus on anything but those things called thoughts. Maybe I should try blocking them like I did in campus by listening to music while moving around. That was definitely fun. I even made it a trend and everyone started doing it when I stopped. Maybe I should bring it back, along with the cute dark glasses for photosensitivity (but which most people will think is for fashion. Not that it isn't, but health comes first for me).
Wow, this is the most honest blog post I have done in a while. I gotta give myself a pat on my back. Hold up, lunch is ready. I have to go. Bye! See you on my next post.
Sincerely,
Me.
Don't even get me started on the forms I was supposed to print on Friday afternoon, but which I postponed to yesterday afternoon and which I still haven't done until now. Honestly speaking, I am having my doubts about having come for the sleepover.
It is so much hotter here because we are also closer to the equator, and the slow rural life makes you slow down until Monday morning. I guess this place works better for students than for me.
I have a novel I promised I'd read, but I haven't even looked at it's cover once I placed it in my bag.
So what am I doing with all my hours? Well, even I am not sure. One minute you're nursing a glass of water or a cup of tea and it is 1.00pm, the next minute it is 5.00pm and your laundry is still waiting to be folded up. Where did the time go? I really wonder too.
While I was on leave, the afternoons were too slow, I actually had to dance through them to get to 6.00pm. You'd read a novel and find yourself wondering if it was already an hour, but when you looked at the phone or clock, only five minutes would have gone by.
I am still wondering about how to handle my procrastination. I sincerely can't think of how to leave the coolness of my house for the heat of the blazing afternoon sun. Yes, an umbrella would be great, but then I'd probably forget it somewhere. My mum advised me to buy a hat, but I'm feeling too worried about the heat to actually go buy a hat.
You know, years ago I actually beat procrastination by telling myself that I would do something as soon as I had to, and that was my principle. Sometime last year, I caught the procrastination bug due to exhaustion from work and now I can't seem to shake it off. I really need to make a change. A huge change. I just don't know how to do it... Maybe I should start with the printing and hat this afternoon?
I also wish the apathy would just go away. I know that my character as a Pisces sometimes makes me look really lazy and uninterested, but most times I just have too much on my mind and I can't bring myself to focus on anything but those things called thoughts. Maybe I should try blocking them like I did in campus by listening to music while moving around. That was definitely fun. I even made it a trend and everyone started doing it when I stopped. Maybe I should bring it back, along with the cute dark glasses for photosensitivity (but which most people will think is for fashion. Not that it isn't, but health comes first for me).
Wow, this is the most honest blog post I have done in a while. I gotta give myself a pat on my back. Hold up, lunch is ready. I have to go. Bye! See you on my next post.
Sincerely,
Me.
Friday, 9 November 2018
Lesson 31: of why curves are beautiful
Sometimes I feel like I'm having a perfect day as a star in my own novel or movie or series. Other days I feel like the exact opposite of that. Everyone, with or without a uterus, feels this way I'm told.
Have you ever had to struggle out of bed because you were depressed? Or try to get to work on time because you overslept again? Sounds familiar? Well, how does this tie to curves? I'll tell you how: this is probably a story for a future blog post. Okay, now I'm even scaring myself.
So, you are probably wondering why i'm writing my post today about curves. Well, these curves are not only womanly but they are also manly and humanly (that didn't sound right, but give me a chance to explain).
See, the world is so obsessed right now with curves... Yes? The right size of booty or the right size of boobage (I can't believe I said that! I'm wild today. I did not have coffee, I swear!) and even the right size of the hips and waist. Now, medically these are important, especially with the hips and the waist (the boob size too because breasts store a lot of fat).
However, today I'm going to divert and hijack our definition of curves. Just for today. Yes? Okay, apart from all that bass and tenor stuff, what other parts of your body are curved? I'd say quite a number! It leaves me wondering how God could take all these shapes and put them together to make a vessel as beautiful as you and I... He is amazing!
So, I'd like to list things like your lips (probably curled up and down depending on how this post makes you feel), your eyes, your nose, your ears, your ribs, collar bones and the plantar nexus... Etc etc etc.
I know... So many curves on us, right? I bet you never thought of it that way! Or maybe you did. In that case, we are blood, you and I (quoting The Jungle Boy by Rudyard Kipling... Sorry. My mind is weird today).
What makes these small arches and dips so special? Well, young padawan, I am glad you asked (quoting Starwars... Told you something is weird with me today). Try to imagine having just holes for ears, like birds and reptiles do... Wouldn't that be weird? Or having just sockets and no eyeballs? It would actually be super creepy to be a human being. Yes, your pinna and your eyeballs and everything else you have is beautiful and there for a reason.
Not only aesthetically but also scientifically. I mean, the pinnacle collects sound (or noise. Or both) and directs it to the middle and inner ear. Every part of your body has a purpose... And that is why you should be glad and thankful you were not born as a bird in this lifetime (but I have bird brain sometimes. This doesn't count).
Not that birds are not special, because they are and they have curves too.
Away from the deviations... All I'm trying to say is, while we are over there or here celebrating curves and contours and dips and what not, as beauty standards, we should not forget the things that help us be more human and live our lives as humans. Yes, celebrate your pinnas and take care of them.
I have to go. Supper might be burning. Bye!
Sincerely,
Me.
Have you ever had to struggle out of bed because you were depressed? Or try to get to work on time because you overslept again? Sounds familiar? Well, how does this tie to curves? I'll tell you how: this is probably a story for a future blog post. Okay, now I'm even scaring myself.
So, you are probably wondering why i'm writing my post today about curves. Well, these curves are not only womanly but they are also manly and humanly (that didn't sound right, but give me a chance to explain).
See, the world is so obsessed right now with curves... Yes? The right size of booty or the right size of boobage (I can't believe I said that! I'm wild today. I did not have coffee, I swear!) and even the right size of the hips and waist. Now, medically these are important, especially with the hips and the waist (the boob size too because breasts store a lot of fat).
However, today I'm going to divert and hijack our definition of curves. Just for today. Yes? Okay, apart from all that bass and tenor stuff, what other parts of your body are curved? I'd say quite a number! It leaves me wondering how God could take all these shapes and put them together to make a vessel as beautiful as you and I... He is amazing!
So, I'd like to list things like your lips (probably curled up and down depending on how this post makes you feel), your eyes, your nose, your ears, your ribs, collar bones and the plantar nexus... Etc etc etc.
I know... So many curves on us, right? I bet you never thought of it that way! Or maybe you did. In that case, we are blood, you and I (quoting The Jungle Boy by Rudyard Kipling... Sorry. My mind is weird today).
What makes these small arches and dips so special? Well, young padawan, I am glad you asked (quoting Starwars... Told you something is weird with me today). Try to imagine having just holes for ears, like birds and reptiles do... Wouldn't that be weird? Or having just sockets and no eyeballs? It would actually be super creepy to be a human being. Yes, your pinna and your eyeballs and everything else you have is beautiful and there for a reason.
Not only aesthetically but also scientifically. I mean, the pinnacle collects sound (or noise. Or both) and directs it to the middle and inner ear. Every part of your body has a purpose... And that is why you should be glad and thankful you were not born as a bird in this lifetime (but I have bird brain sometimes. This doesn't count).
Not that birds are not special, because they are and they have curves too.
Away from the deviations... All I'm trying to say is, while we are over there or here celebrating curves and contours and dips and what not, as beauty standards, we should not forget the things that help us be more human and live our lives as humans. Yes, celebrate your pinnas and take care of them.
I have to go. Supper might be burning. Bye!
Sincerely,
Me.
Wednesday, 3 October 2018
Lesson 30: of old love interests and dual camera phones
I blame Whatsapp's rapid progress for the end of one of my most amazing relationships. Hehehe. I know. Awkward.
So, let me break it down for you. Right after I do my dishes in the sink because i'm on leave and I want to get a pretty selfie and I need to take a shower and have breakfast. However, I also need to blog because it is that time of the month (I can't believe I said that) and the pain is making me restless (and I need to dash out for pain medication before it gets worse, but then this story is so good, I am afraid I'll forget it. Seriously).
Let's call my old love interest L, because I need to protect his identity. Otherwise someone somewhere will (or a lot of other people everywhere) hunt him down and ask him to duel (too many old books I read) and I don't know if he'll win or lose... Oh well...
So, L liked me since the day he ran into buzz cut me in primary school. He never told me, and I never really noticed that the guy liked me (till date, I am completely clueless about guys who like me. I think it is an adaptation...? Maybe a skill...? Ugh). I went through secondary school with a growth spurt both for my body and my hair (yes! Finally) and made it to college.
He actually started talking to me before I completed high school, and we connected. He was really supportive, seeing as I was retaking my exams. He told me not to be afraid, not to worry, and encouraged me to keep going. I got into the course I had liked, but missed the one I had loved because of physics. Even then, through out the four years I was in school, we kept up a constant correspondence. He had already admitted he had a huge crush on me, and as time went by, things got better for both of us. However, because I had a lot of pressure on my plate (and another possible future hubby on the line) we kept things on the friendly side instead of venturing much deeper in to the relationship part of what we had.
It got to a point we would go for months without communicating (yes, this was also similar to the possible hubby who was also a player who couldn't choose and let go). We were not on hostile terms, but it got to a point I was putting him on hold and he worried there was no future for us because I wasn't all in. Then again, how could I be when I was not sure of what I wanted? I wasn't even 23 for heaven's sake!
Okay... *takes deep breath* eventually, during my internship, and after it, I was ready to make an attempt. At first he was worried because it had been long, plus he wasn't sure I was really into it. Truth be told, I had found out there was a girl who had a kid and I assumed it was his... And I panicked and figured, "well here we are love. Are you happy?" Of course I wasn't. So I asked him and he told me he didn't have a kid.
We rekindled our conversations and they were everything to me. I used to look forward to them but I was never sure if he did. He was almost always busy (making money to support our two kids he he) and sometimes I felt like I wasn't sure about being with a man too busy to make time for me. However, the deciding factor of our relationship was not that. It was actually a video call.
I know... I know... The story is wrapping up. I loved telling it too.
So, he video called me one night and I was home with my parents and my one way camera located at the back. Also the lighting was very poor. I panicked and though I couldn't answer it, I told him that he called pretty late a d it was curfew time.
Fast forward to a year later and I upgraded my one way camera to a two way camera. The first person I thought of calling through video call was him. So I called him. He didn't pick. Then I called again and he didn't pick.
After that, things kind of went poorly for us. Last time we talked about us, he made me realize that we had wasted too much time apart and that maybe it was too late for us. I had to agree because it was I who kept buying time. It was not a crime for me to see other people, but I guess the other fake future hubby got to my head and made me ignore a lot of cues from my old school love interest.
Anyway, I am proud of who he is, and he always lends me his ears when I need to take the steam off... I am glad for that, but building a relationship based on that is kind of weird... Skewed even... But then, I am no relationship expert.
Why did I tell you this story? Well... First of all, I want all of the ladies reading this to allow themselves to be swept off their feet by the men who love them more than they love them (these men). Second, love is a funny thing. Yes, it is good to wait, and true love waits, but if you keep making excuses not to be with someone who you actually love back then some day that person will actually go away and leave you looking around the ruins of what you would have built together but ruined right from the first foundation stone. Third, there is nothing wrong with multi dating, so long as you pay attention to all of them. Failure to do so will result in the loss of some very potential love interests. Four, don't let that man who you love like crazy have your heart. You won't get it back.
Okay, now I have to go. My cramps are getting stronger and I really do need my pain medication and care package (that I am going to have to purchase myself ugh) and a nice collection of cheesy movies. I'll see you at my next post.
Çiao!
So, let me break it down for you. Right after I do my dishes in the sink because i'm on leave and I want to get a pretty selfie and I need to take a shower and have breakfast. However, I also need to blog because it is that time of the month (I can't believe I said that) and the pain is making me restless (and I need to dash out for pain medication before it gets worse, but then this story is so good, I am afraid I'll forget it. Seriously).
Let's call my old love interest L, because I need to protect his identity. Otherwise someone somewhere will (or a lot of other people everywhere) hunt him down and ask him to duel (too many old books I read) and I don't know if he'll win or lose... Oh well...
So, L liked me since the day he ran into buzz cut me in primary school. He never told me, and I never really noticed that the guy liked me (till date, I am completely clueless about guys who like me. I think it is an adaptation...? Maybe a skill...? Ugh). I went through secondary school with a growth spurt both for my body and my hair (yes! Finally) and made it to college.
He actually started talking to me before I completed high school, and we connected. He was really supportive, seeing as I was retaking my exams. He told me not to be afraid, not to worry, and encouraged me to keep going. I got into the course I had liked, but missed the one I had loved because of physics. Even then, through out the four years I was in school, we kept up a constant correspondence. He had already admitted he had a huge crush on me, and as time went by, things got better for both of us. However, because I had a lot of pressure on my plate (and another possible future hubby on the line) we kept things on the friendly side instead of venturing much deeper in to the relationship part of what we had.
It got to a point we would go for months without communicating (yes, this was also similar to the possible hubby who was also a player who couldn't choose and let go). We were not on hostile terms, but it got to a point I was putting him on hold and he worried there was no future for us because I wasn't all in. Then again, how could I be when I was not sure of what I wanted? I wasn't even 23 for heaven's sake!
Okay... *takes deep breath* eventually, during my internship, and after it, I was ready to make an attempt. At first he was worried because it had been long, plus he wasn't sure I was really into it. Truth be told, I had found out there was a girl who had a kid and I assumed it was his... And I panicked and figured, "well here we are love. Are you happy?" Of course I wasn't. So I asked him and he told me he didn't have a kid.
We rekindled our conversations and they were everything to me. I used to look forward to them but I was never sure if he did. He was almost always busy (making money to support our two kids he he) and sometimes I felt like I wasn't sure about being with a man too busy to make time for me. However, the deciding factor of our relationship was not that. It was actually a video call.
I know... I know... The story is wrapping up. I loved telling it too.
So, he video called me one night and I was home with my parents and my one way camera located at the back. Also the lighting was very poor. I panicked and though I couldn't answer it, I told him that he called pretty late a d it was curfew time.
Fast forward to a year later and I upgraded my one way camera to a two way camera. The first person I thought of calling through video call was him. So I called him. He didn't pick. Then I called again and he didn't pick.
After that, things kind of went poorly for us. Last time we talked about us, he made me realize that we had wasted too much time apart and that maybe it was too late for us. I had to agree because it was I who kept buying time. It was not a crime for me to see other people, but I guess the other fake future hubby got to my head and made me ignore a lot of cues from my old school love interest.
Anyway, I am proud of who he is, and he always lends me his ears when I need to take the steam off... I am glad for that, but building a relationship based on that is kind of weird... Skewed even... But then, I am no relationship expert.
Why did I tell you this story? Well... First of all, I want all of the ladies reading this to allow themselves to be swept off their feet by the men who love them more than they love them (these men). Second, love is a funny thing. Yes, it is good to wait, and true love waits, but if you keep making excuses not to be with someone who you actually love back then some day that person will actually go away and leave you looking around the ruins of what you would have built together but ruined right from the first foundation stone. Third, there is nothing wrong with multi dating, so long as you pay attention to all of them. Failure to do so will result in the loss of some very potential love interests. Four, don't let that man who you love like crazy have your heart. You won't get it back.
Okay, now I have to go. My cramps are getting stronger and I really do need my pain medication and care package (that I am going to have to purchase myself ugh) and a nice collection of cheesy movies. I'll see you at my next post.
Çiao!
Sunday, 2 September 2018
Lesson 29: of banished 5th member of LM dreams
I have always wanted to be a member of a girl group. This didn't start with Elani or Kiu Music... Neither did it with Little Mix or B*Witched. No, it might have been the Spice Girls and Destiny's Child and my fascination with West life and Backstreet back in the day. I'd ask myself how one person could sound so different and have varying tones and notes and voices through out an entire song without panicking.
My sisters explained much later that when a band sings, they have to have varying voices that somehow go together. That is when I realized I loved the difference bound together. It just felt right. Almost like unity in diversity.
Fast forward to 2012 when I first joined Twitter and One Direction had begun to make their worldwide sensation thanks to the internet. Of course there were other bands, but 1D and The Wanted (TW) really just caught my ears. Zayn and Siva were my main attractions look-wise. Not that the rest of the boys didn't catch my fancy. It was their jawlines I was falling for, truth be told.
1D and TW were rivals, which made everyone feel like they had to pick sides. I didn't. I mean... I can never really make up my mind to choose between chicken or beef burger or to buy both and have one for later. So I made sure to enjoy all the music to the best of my abilities.
As I said, I adored Zayn and Siva, but I think Zayn was who I was leaning towards. The moment I found out he was dating and got engaged to Petrie, I was pretty upset. I asked myself why he didn't settle for a Muslim girl. I asked myself why he didn't settle for me. Not that he knew I existed, just... I wished I was an option.
That was how I began listening to Little Mix. I wanted to find out everything about Perrie. How she met Zayn. How they fell for each other. How he first discovered he had feelings for her and vice versa. How they dated in secrecy... How he decided to marry Perrie... I wanted to know everything.
Zerrie became a fixture in my life. At first I had mixed feelings because I wished that was me. Then, in due time, I started to like her. The unexpected split caught me at a bad time. I was really beginning to embrace the idea of Zerrie and imagining how beautiful their children would look. I didn't know whether to support Zayn or Perrie until I heard how it ended and then I was suddenly so mad at him.
I won't lie. Once in a while, I run into his photos online and I gawk because let's all face it: Zayn is gorgeous. The best of both worlds. Petrie's voice is also as gorgeous and this just makes me wish that things were back to normal. Then again... I heard he is single, and Perrie is in a loving relationship... I don't think it'll be too bad for me to think of myself as Mr. Malik's blushing bride... Okay, i'm getting ahead of myself. I need to stop. This is the internet. I know that somehow this will come to bite me in the days ahead.
My singing career has me doing covers from Little Mix. Sometimes I feel like Jade... Sometimes I feel like Jesy especially when I sing her part in 'Touch.'. I once thought i could sound like Perrie, but I figured out her vocal prowess is almost as good as Demi's.
Either way, it took me a while to realize I couldn't be as good as her because my vocal limits were very different from hers. If I tried to, I'd end up with regular sore throats and i'm really not into that. Even then, I'll always look up to her and the rest of Little Mix. They make me proud to be a woman. Especially after they released 'Power' which I still dance to, almost a year after it's release (is it almost a year now? Someone help me please).
Once in a while, people come out of the blue and tell me that they look up to me. That was never my intention, but it feels good when they say it to me. It makes me feel like i'm doing something right.
My principle has always been to try and do everything I can in this life (that is legit and doesn't go against my health) and I do hope I live long enough to write about my pursuits (though running a blog is basically talking about your life even if you write fantasy stories instead of real life stories, simply because you're putting a bit of yourself out there for the world to see).
I'd like to call it a day because my battery is at 24% and i'm on the road back to Nyanza. I'll see you on my next update girls.
Sincerely,
Me.
My sisters explained much later that when a band sings, they have to have varying voices that somehow go together. That is when I realized I loved the difference bound together. It just felt right. Almost like unity in diversity.
Fast forward to 2012 when I first joined Twitter and One Direction had begun to make their worldwide sensation thanks to the internet. Of course there were other bands, but 1D and The Wanted (TW) really just caught my ears. Zayn and Siva were my main attractions look-wise. Not that the rest of the boys didn't catch my fancy. It was their jawlines I was falling for, truth be told.
1D and TW were rivals, which made everyone feel like they had to pick sides. I didn't. I mean... I can never really make up my mind to choose between chicken or beef burger or to buy both and have one for later. So I made sure to enjoy all the music to the best of my abilities.
As I said, I adored Zayn and Siva, but I think Zayn was who I was leaning towards. The moment I found out he was dating and got engaged to Petrie, I was pretty upset. I asked myself why he didn't settle for a Muslim girl. I asked myself why he didn't settle for me. Not that he knew I existed, just... I wished I was an option.
That was how I began listening to Little Mix. I wanted to find out everything about Perrie. How she met Zayn. How they fell for each other. How he first discovered he had feelings for her and vice versa. How they dated in secrecy... How he decided to marry Perrie... I wanted to know everything.
Zerrie became a fixture in my life. At first I had mixed feelings because I wished that was me. Then, in due time, I started to like her. The unexpected split caught me at a bad time. I was really beginning to embrace the idea of Zerrie and imagining how beautiful their children would look. I didn't know whether to support Zayn or Perrie until I heard how it ended and then I was suddenly so mad at him.
I won't lie. Once in a while, I run into his photos online and I gawk because let's all face it: Zayn is gorgeous. The best of both worlds. Petrie's voice is also as gorgeous and this just makes me wish that things were back to normal. Then again... I heard he is single, and Perrie is in a loving relationship... I don't think it'll be too bad for me to think of myself as Mr. Malik's blushing bride... Okay, i'm getting ahead of myself. I need to stop. This is the internet. I know that somehow this will come to bite me in the days ahead.
My singing career has me doing covers from Little Mix. Sometimes I feel like Jade... Sometimes I feel like Jesy especially when I sing her part in 'Touch.'. I once thought i could sound like Perrie, but I figured out her vocal prowess is almost as good as Demi's.
Either way, it took me a while to realize I couldn't be as good as her because my vocal limits were very different from hers. If I tried to, I'd end up with regular sore throats and i'm really not into that. Even then, I'll always look up to her and the rest of Little Mix. They make me proud to be a woman. Especially after they released 'Power' which I still dance to, almost a year after it's release (is it almost a year now? Someone help me please).
Once in a while, people come out of the blue and tell me that they look up to me. That was never my intention, but it feels good when they say it to me. It makes me feel like i'm doing something right.
My principle has always been to try and do everything I can in this life (that is legit and doesn't go against my health) and I do hope I live long enough to write about my pursuits (though running a blog is basically talking about your life even if you write fantasy stories instead of real life stories, simply because you're putting a bit of yourself out there for the world to see).
I'd like to call it a day because my battery is at 24% and i'm on the road back to Nyanza. I'll see you on my next update girls.
Sincerely,
Me.
Sunday, 12 August 2018
Lesson 28: of overreacting and feeling manhandled
I don't like how I feel. My moods are all over the place today, and I'm supposed to be working but I'm on my day off. Kind of
Still handling phone calls from my people on the ground and giving them guidance because, yes, I am supposed to doll it out in huge proportions.
I haven't been home to my parents in a while, and I am feeling a bit depressed about it. I even suspect I might get fired... Or not... Who knows? I'm not the best at my job, and it is obvious for everyone to see.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how after this blog post I'm going to do a few google searches and find out how to be more productive at work because it is everything to be this way. No one wants a person who is not productive... And is a burden to them.
*&*&*&*&
Then again, maybe I am overreacting about this... But what if I am not? There is always going to be two ways, two sides of the coin when it comes to me. Sometimes it gets so exhausting thinking this way, but I can't stop it. I am born this way
Maybe all I need to do it follow the road that leads to a better state of mind than I am in. Maybe I should have faith in myself, believe that I am better than I am.
Maybe I should actually reevaluate all my life choices. Maybe I should exercise more. Maybe I should diet more... Who knows? I'll probably figure it out along the way.
A guy just came up to me and started asking about one of my mates from work. She is the looker, what most guys refer to as "wife material," and has a long line of admirers in her wake. So there's one of them here. Interfering with my blogging while asking about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
This does not make any sense whatsoever. But who is listening? Anyway... Off we go to a new post.
Still handling phone calls from my people on the ground and giving them guidance because, yes, I am supposed to doll it out in huge proportions.
I haven't been home to my parents in a while, and I am feeling a bit depressed about it. I even suspect I might get fired... Or not... Who knows? I'm not the best at my job, and it is obvious for everyone to see.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how after this blog post I'm going to do a few google searches and find out how to be more productive at work because it is everything to be this way. No one wants a person who is not productive... And is a burden to them.
*&*&*&*&
Then again, maybe I am overreacting about this... But what if I am not? There is always going to be two ways, two sides of the coin when it comes to me. Sometimes it gets so exhausting thinking this way, but I can't stop it. I am born this way
Maybe all I need to do it follow the road that leads to a better state of mind than I am in. Maybe I should have faith in myself, believe that I am better than I am.
Maybe I should actually reevaluate all my life choices. Maybe I should exercise more. Maybe I should diet more... Who knows? I'll probably figure it out along the way.
A guy just came up to me and started asking about one of my mates from work. She is the looker, what most guys refer to as "wife material," and has a long line of admirers in her wake. So there's one of them here. Interfering with my blogging while asking about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
This does not make any sense whatsoever. But who is listening? Anyway... Off we go to a new post.
Tuesday, 10 July 2018
Lesson 27: of deliberations on a new blog
Hi.
I am seated here, at a work meeting that is not a work meeting. We're just hanging out. That's between us two.
It is almost that time of the month. I can feel it. I really can. Meanwhile, there are a lot of deliberations going on around me which make me tired because i just came from leave, and my skin is really smooth, and everyone is like, "you are glowing."
However, my update today is not about the wonderful cycle of menstruation. Though it should be. That is a story for another day. I want to introduce you to a new blog. Yes. I made a new blog!
It will focus on public health, tackling various topics that are of interest to public health. I really haven't a clue what to post on it, but i'll probably talk about personal experiences at work and all that jazz.
I am distracted. I have to go.
Sincerely,
Me.
I am seated here, at a work meeting that is not a work meeting. We're just hanging out. That's between us two.
It is almost that time of the month. I can feel it. I really can. Meanwhile, there are a lot of deliberations going on around me which make me tired because i just came from leave, and my skin is really smooth, and everyone is like, "you are glowing."
However, my update today is not about the wonderful cycle of menstruation. Though it should be. That is a story for another day. I want to introduce you to a new blog. Yes. I made a new blog!
It will focus on public health, tackling various topics that are of interest to public health. I really haven't a clue what to post on it, but i'll probably talk about personal experiences at work and all that jazz.
I am distracted. I have to go.
Sincerely,
Me.
Friday, 29 June 2018
Lesson 26: Of Travel Plans and Procrastination
I woke up on Thursday morning with 100 doubts weighing on my head and shoulders. You see, earlier this week, I started to fully utilize my dad's 2016 Valentines gift to me. I rarely use it because it has a telkom line. Or orange line. Whicheer tickles your fancy.
Now, my house has blackspots for phone networks. The socket near my bed blindsides safaricom and airtel networks, but for some reason telkom works just fine. My main door has pledged allegiance to safaricom. As for airtel, she has managed to be a mistress to the rest of the house.
This brings me nowhere. Let's go back a few steps.
So, my phone took a dunk in the toilet bowl (don't ask). If anyone asks, i say it fell into the sink full of soapy water (heheheh) but now you guys know, so let this be our publicly kept secret (well... i was watching QPark doing the strangest things in New York in the bathroom only because i had to laugh really loudly and i didn't want people to know i was around. this is the half truth version. swallow it and let life go on.
After panicking about it, it shutdown by itself. I found myself calling the support center and then i panicked when i heard that it was already closed until Monday. I was like, "this is outrageous!" in my head. I meekly asked them if they could fix it up and whether the charge would be too high and also if the continued stay of the phone in the moisture was a good idea.
Cut to a few days later, and i get really bored, so i tell my sister that i'm going to start messing with my exes because I love to stay busy. So i text two of them, and one calls later in the day. With the other we have a pleasant conversation, considering he was more of an admirer than an ex. The caller and i go on to have a conversation later that night that makes me the happiest ex-girlfriend ever- he got married!!! I am bouncing from wall to ceiling to ceiling to floor with the news of his wife being pregnant. I'm like, "I am gonna be an aunt?! Oh my God! Mashaallah!" Of course he made a few passes but they were totally ignored because I was jumping happily inside...
I love being an aunt. I really do. I'm Fun-Not-Fun-Aunt-Zainab.
Anyway, I decided that this month or next month i want to do something really fun... so i asked a friend in Busia what i can do when i go there. Which started another long conversation which is yet to be completed. Let us just say that I am seriously considering procrastinating the fun visit. For one reason or another.
Another thing i love doing which is not healthy is procrastinating my leave days. I have somehow gone from happy-go-lucky to I'm-Gonna-Kill-You-If-You-Mess-With-Me and i walk off if i don't agree because if i stay... yeah...
I really should go apply for a few days off for next week. Maybe then I'll come back happier.
Sincerely,
Me.
Now, my house has blackspots for phone networks. The socket near my bed blindsides safaricom and airtel networks, but for some reason telkom works just fine. My main door has pledged allegiance to safaricom. As for airtel, she has managed to be a mistress to the rest of the house.
This brings me nowhere. Let's go back a few steps.
So, my phone took a dunk in the toilet bowl (don't ask). If anyone asks, i say it fell into the sink full of soapy water (heheheh) but now you guys know, so let this be our publicly kept secret (well... i was watching QPark doing the strangest things in New York in the bathroom only because i had to laugh really loudly and i didn't want people to know i was around. this is the half truth version. swallow it and let life go on.
After panicking about it, it shutdown by itself. I found myself calling the support center and then i panicked when i heard that it was already closed until Monday. I was like, "this is outrageous!" in my head. I meekly asked them if they could fix it up and whether the charge would be too high and also if the continued stay of the phone in the moisture was a good idea.
Cut to a few days later, and i get really bored, so i tell my sister that i'm going to start messing with my exes because I love to stay busy. So i text two of them, and one calls later in the day. With the other we have a pleasant conversation, considering he was more of an admirer than an ex. The caller and i go on to have a conversation later that night that makes me the happiest ex-girlfriend ever- he got married!!! I am bouncing from wall to ceiling to ceiling to floor with the news of his wife being pregnant. I'm like, "I am gonna be an aunt?! Oh my God! Mashaallah!" Of course he made a few passes but they were totally ignored because I was jumping happily inside...
I love being an aunt. I really do. I'm Fun-Not-Fun-Aunt-Zainab.
Anyway, I decided that this month or next month i want to do something really fun... so i asked a friend in Busia what i can do when i go there. Which started another long conversation which is yet to be completed. Let us just say that I am seriously considering procrastinating the fun visit. For one reason or another.
Another thing i love doing which is not healthy is procrastinating my leave days. I have somehow gone from happy-go-lucky to I'm-Gonna-Kill-You-If-You-Mess-With-Me and i walk off if i don't agree because if i stay... yeah...
I really should go apply for a few days off for next week. Maybe then I'll come back happier.
Sincerely,
Me.
Wednesday, 13 June 2018
Lesson 25: Of Snappiness and Irritation
Don't you hate it when someone makes your patience snap in half?
Don't you just hate it when things go out of control?
This just happened today. I was talking to people about the possibility of changing their plans (for flexibility) and then things kept going wrong until eventually i snapped and i was like, "fine! do what you want!"
Then i sat there hating how i was feeling because, let us face it, handling stubborn people is not the best thing for someone still recovering from a malaria infection. You just want to lie down and enjoy some semblance of peace but there goes someone yelling down the phone at you about how they won't do what you want them to do. All because it was a slight change in plans.
I really dislike people who refuse to be flexible, and their only response and validation is a loud yell.Makes you wonder where their manners went. Really, there is nothing wrong with turning someone down. We are all entitled to our reactions, and we are all entitled to our opinions. However, that freedom does not mean that the common guidelines preserving politeness be blurred just because you are trying to make a point.
Anyway... I have nothing more to say, except that as Eid draws closer and closer, that Allah gives me the patience and peace of mind that i need to properly function during my recuperation. Inshaallah, we'll see each other again.
I promise to avoid being a stranger.
Sincerely,
Me.
Don't you just hate it when things go out of control?
This just happened today. I was talking to people about the possibility of changing their plans (for flexibility) and then things kept going wrong until eventually i snapped and i was like, "fine! do what you want!"
Then i sat there hating how i was feeling because, let us face it, handling stubborn people is not the best thing for someone still recovering from a malaria infection. You just want to lie down and enjoy some semblance of peace but there goes someone yelling down the phone at you about how they won't do what you want them to do. All because it was a slight change in plans.
I really dislike people who refuse to be flexible, and their only response and validation is a loud yell.Makes you wonder where their manners went. Really, there is nothing wrong with turning someone down. We are all entitled to our reactions, and we are all entitled to our opinions. However, that freedom does not mean that the common guidelines preserving politeness be blurred just because you are trying to make a point.
Anyway... I have nothing more to say, except that as Eid draws closer and closer, that Allah gives me the patience and peace of mind that i need to properly function during my recuperation. Inshaallah, we'll see each other again.
I promise to avoid being a stranger.
Sincerely,
Me.
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