I blame Whatsapp's rapid progress for the end of one of my most amazing relationships. Hehehe. I know. Awkward.
So, let me break it down for you. Right after I do my dishes in the sink because i'm on leave and I want to get a pretty selfie and I need to take a shower and have breakfast. However, I also need to blog because it is that time of the month (I can't believe I said that) and the pain is making me restless (and I need to dash out for pain medication before it gets worse, but then this story is so good, I am afraid I'll forget it. Seriously).
Let's call my old love interest L, because I need to protect his identity. Otherwise someone somewhere will (or a lot of other people everywhere) hunt him down and ask him to duel (too many old books I read) and I don't know if he'll win or lose... Oh well...
So, L liked me since the day he ran into buzz cut me in primary school. He never told me, and I never really noticed that the guy liked me (till date, I am completely clueless about guys who like me. I think it is an adaptation...? Maybe a skill...? Ugh). I went through secondary school with a growth spurt both for my body and my hair (yes! Finally) and made it to college.
He actually started talking to me before I completed high school, and we connected. He was really supportive, seeing as I was retaking my exams. He told me not to be afraid, not to worry, and encouraged me to keep going. I got into the course I had liked, but missed the one I had loved because of physics. Even then, through out the four years I was in school, we kept up a constant correspondence. He had already admitted he had a huge crush on me, and as time went by, things got better for both of us. However, because I had a lot of pressure on my plate (and another possible future hubby on the line) we kept things on the friendly side instead of venturing much deeper in to the relationship part of what we had.
It got to a point we would go for months without communicating (yes, this was also similar to the possible hubby who was also a player who couldn't choose and let go). We were not on hostile terms, but it got to a point I was putting him on hold and he worried there was no future for us because I wasn't all in. Then again, how could I be when I was not sure of what I wanted? I wasn't even 23 for heaven's sake!
Okay... *takes deep breath* eventually, during my internship, and after it, I was ready to make an attempt. At first he was worried because it had been long, plus he wasn't sure I was really into it. Truth be told, I had found out there was a girl who had a kid and I assumed it was his... And I panicked and figured, "well here we are love. Are you happy?" Of course I wasn't. So I asked him and he told me he didn't have a kid.
We rekindled our conversations and they were everything to me. I used to look forward to them but I was never sure if he did. He was almost always busy (making money to support our two kids he he) and sometimes I felt like I wasn't sure about being with a man too busy to make time for me. However, the deciding factor of our relationship was not that. It was actually a video call.
I know... I know... The story is wrapping up. I loved telling it too.
So, he video called me one night and I was home with my parents and my one way camera located at the back. Also the lighting was very poor. I panicked and though I couldn't answer it, I told him that he called pretty late a d it was curfew time.
Fast forward to a year later and I upgraded my one way camera to a two way camera. The first person I thought of calling through video call was him. So I called him. He didn't pick. Then I called again and he didn't pick.
After that, things kind of went poorly for us. Last time we talked about us, he made me realize that we had wasted too much time apart and that maybe it was too late for us. I had to agree because it was I who kept buying time. It was not a crime for me to see other people, but I guess the other fake future hubby got to my head and made me ignore a lot of cues from my old school love interest.
Anyway, I am proud of who he is, and he always lends me his ears when I need to take the steam off... I am glad for that, but building a relationship based on that is kind of weird... Skewed even... But then, I am no relationship expert.
Why did I tell you this story? Well... First of all, I want all of the ladies reading this to allow themselves to be swept off their feet by the men who love them more than they love them (these men). Second, love is a funny thing. Yes, it is good to wait, and true love waits, but if you keep making excuses not to be with someone who you actually love back then some day that person will actually go away and leave you looking around the ruins of what you would have built together but ruined right from the first foundation stone. Third, there is nothing wrong with multi dating, so long as you pay attention to all of them. Failure to do so will result in the loss of some very potential love interests. Four, don't let that man who you love like crazy have your heart. You won't get it back.
Okay, now I have to go. My cramps are getting stronger and I really do need my pain medication and care package (that I am going to have to purchase myself ugh) and a nice collection of cheesy movies. I'll see you at my next post.
Çiao!
