Lesson 21: Of Relief Food and Depressed Affairs

I am beginning to feel depressed.

Why would I say that? Well... I don't feel like being happy. I'm always up for some pettiness, and right now, being single makes me completely angry and I just wanna rip out my hair! Which I really can't do because Dios Mio my hair looks really good.

Yeah, I went to the salon last week. Feeling pretty fancy right now.

Even then, the depression I feel because I am another moneyless, jobless,completely tied down at home with no air to breath, disappointed graduate is not as bad as the fact that Turkana County won't be getting any relief food because of the roads being barricaded. 

Honestly,i am a little glad that the glaring problem in Baringo might finally be addressed. It took our current Vice President being shot at for people to realize that potatoes (substitute for crude word) just got real. You know how nomads and pastrolists can get about their animals and pasture and water. 

*&*&*&*&

I have never really been one to bother with politics, but seriously, that is how bored I am out of my mind. I'm just sitting here, rewinding the lovely days of ole one month ago. I miss everything i had in Kitale. 

If I was this bored, I'd probably have headed out to town and gone to look for earrings, or look at scarves in Tuskys (which really did have the best scarves I saw in Kitale) or gone to look for food to cook. Fancy food. like yoghurt and maybe a little bit of chocolate because I am thrifty... Or I try to be thrifty.

I just cleaned up the house, did a few chores here and there and now I'm just sitting here with rollers on my hair waiting to hear my name being called so that I can do something else. And yes, tomorrow i have to be up before six to be out of the door to go do nothing in particular. I can't wait, ugh!

I feel so low right now. I don't think I am depressed, just upset and sad and feeling completely disappointed with how things have turned out. It has been two years and the struggle has not been easy. Makes me wish I had known I was gonna face this when I first went to University. I would have mentally prepared myself for this challenge. 

*&*&*&*&

My only prayer is that things change, not only for me, but also for the people who have run away from Kenya because of the drought, Nairobi's residents, Turkana and Baringo too. 

Let us vote right this August. Let us be done with the stupidity that was the 2013 elections. We deserve better than what we got. 

As for the Association that represents my profession, I hope a thousand camel fleas infest all the armpits of your so called leadership! Cheeiii! You and the council have stewed us over in the worst way, and Satan has seen you. You shall pay for that. This world is round. There's nowhere you're going without getting served what you truly deserve. 

Imma OUT!!!

Of Relief Food and Depressed Affairs.

Lesson 20: Of Breakups and Listening To Breakup Playlists

2017 is here. Yay.

Note the sarcasm.

I started 2017in the worst way: a friend of mine broke up with me for being too nice, then i found myself staring at a possible problem of delaying the end of my internship, joblessness, confusion, exhaustion and irritability.

Then, before January even got to the middle, i got injured in the worst way. I discovered that the guy who i thought was always in love with me had never ever ever been in love with me, and it hurt. I was upset for days, staring at everything darkly, angrily and wanting to do nothing more than to head back to my house and cry the entire day through. And i hate to cry. I really do. I can't see how that helps me, but that day when i broke down, it did help. 

Even then, what helped the best? Breakup playlists and mean girl updates on my Facebook account. I had to get it out somehow. 

So i traded Ex's and Oh's for Shout Out to My Ex. 

The results were amazing.

Even then, sometimes when i am sad about him i can't hide behind kickass beats and happy fake music videos in my head. 


Even Worse;
is the decision i made last Valentines when Sautisol asked me to attend their very first performance for "Live And Die in Afrika."

When people ask me why i turned them down, and i explain, they mostly think I am stupid. Sometimes, when i am so frigging sad, I think I am a little silly too. Then i remind myself that I do not want to be like the girl in the "Money Lover" video. 

I wouldn't live with myself if i did that to myself. 

So, in overall, I am a little depressed at the lack of happy memories in my life. On the positive though, I have just one really amazing memory... Visiting Kitale Conservancy with a colleague from work. It was amazing. 

I also have this kickass memory of me going swimming with a friend of mine. We had the bestest sleepovers and sometimes, I spent the night texting on her phone just for the fun of it. I know... I am a very nosy person sometimes, but that's what friends do all the time. 

So my breakup playlist included;
Wonderland by Taylor Swift
We are never getting back together by Taylor Swift
Sober by Selena Gomez
Shout Out to My Ex by Little Mix
Ex's and Oh's by Elle King
Drag Me Down by One Direction
Unhinged by Nick Jonas


What does your breakup playlist have?