Hello, and welcome back to "Being Girly" my beautiful blog that seeks to highlight the story of my life under the girl title.
Oh yaay, we are on 17! I love number 7, it so happens to be my favourite number! And 17 was my best age yet after 16. I was a fourthformer and i went out for a number of school-related events. 17 was the coolest year ever for me. Jeez!
Anyway, today we will be talking about Regrets. Yes, Regrets. I am sure you think that this will be about something to do with sex because my previous post was about that... and this one, unfortunately, isn't. Well, maybe it might touch on that. Or maybe not.
*&*&*&*&
Regret is a feeling we normally get when we do something and we or someone gets hurt. It also means we have a conscience, and feel bad about the fruits of our actions if they hurt us or other people.
Recently, a friend of mine bought something even after i told her not to. It was a pretty dress that looked so good. Red in colour and alluring. Well, it was until i noticed that the material it was made of was not exactly good for hand-washing. i pointed this out and she told me that i was being mean because i am bigger than her and the dress fitted her PERFFF! As you might already know, or not, she bought the dress and wore it to an event. Then she washed it afterwards and not only did it tear... It bled.
Now all her whites are pink. And so cute and cuddly...
This is just so wrong! Like really. The story was a fabrication but still... you get what i am aiming at. Sometimes we do things that leave us in the path of regret when it's waters coming flooding down at us. So, what can we do? What can we do so that we don't end up crying and wishing we had listened, taken heed and acted right?
*&*&*&*&
On a daily basis, we are forced to make decisions. Sometimes, we have had to ditch someone for someone/something better. Then we ended up wishing we hadn't. I remember that i once ditched a guy for another who i had the longest crush on. As you probably already can guess, I got dumped and i dumped him... repeatedly. If he wasn't committed the first time, then the next he was too quiet and distant, and eventually, I regretted ditching the guy who had been crazy about me. Even though he offered to take me back, i felt ashamed and could not go ahead to say 'yes'.
That has not been my only regret. I have had regrets in my academic career too. Recently, I quit a class page because i felt like the girls were too mean. They said quite a few meanies to me. Then they wanted to add another mean girl and I couldn't take it. So i left the whatsapp group and i have slept very well since.
I worked to go back to a day school in order to resit my KCSE papers and managed to get a grade that got me to spend 4 years in undergrad with 70+ crazy students. Most of them had actually wanted to be doctors but ended up doing Environmental Health. We graduated recently and no one actually wanted to take a photo with me. That made me wish I had been more friendly during my undergrad. The sea of regret sent me to the ocean of depression, and though i finally got out of it, I was scarred.
I'm just glad my dad and i took photos together though.
Back to the tale at hand... Regret is a powerful emotion. It can make you feel like you never were good enough. It can make you hate yourself. It can make you hate everyone. It can even lead you to commit suicide. It never comes alone... it accompanies anger, hate, disbelief, resentment and irritability. Yes, there have been cases of girls who have made the wrong choices in life, and when things blow up, it is easy to throw in the towel.
You have a beautiful life. It is yours, it is unique. Those decisions you made might have had negative outcomes that blew up in your face, but that doesn't mean you are stupid. Yes, they didn't help, they messed you up, but you made them. They are yours, and you should be proud of yourself because some people do not know how to take the risks you took.
I salute you. I salute you. I celebrate you.
Remember to own your decisions, because you are you. No one else thinks like you do. And if they do, then that is just a little deviation on their part.
Yeah?
*&*&*&*&
On the flip side of the whole thing, i harbour no resentment whatsoever on not ending up on anyone's pictures. The reason being, ten or so years down the line, I'll hopefully be so incredibly famous that people will line up from Kisumu to Mombasa for an autograph or selfie. Then I'll be smiling in the mirror and saying, "who would have thought that losers can become winners?"
Plus I got to appreciate Scottish Dancing and saw that Moi University actually has Student Security. Oh wow, who would have thought they were actually not confined to just movies?
A final plus is, I go to the gym these days and the guys there are FIT. They go for aerobics and move their bulky bodies faster than I do. They are an inspiration. Really. I don't go there to bag a hunk. I don't really see the point of going to the gym to bag a stud. I'll probably explain that later.
Anyway, have a lovely afternoon (it is afternoon here) guys.
Hasta la Vista.
Have a good life mista.
Tuesday, 27 October 2015
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
Lesson 16: Mama Knows Best
Hello all you fair lads and lasses! By this, i mean that all of you are not light skinned but are probably fit enough to be alive. Wait... i really don't know why i wrote that. Whatever.
Today, we are going to demystify the 'sex to prove love' myth. Yes, i said it, i am going to help you guys understand why sex is not the only way to prove to a man that you love him. Well, I'll be using my mum's words, dad's thoughts spoken out loud, and my very own personal experience. Are you ready? Okay, here goes!
History.
About a month ago, I got in touch with a romantic interest of mine. I was eager to reconnect and see if there was actually a future between the two of us. I was feeling out of sorts, and had this fake sense of bravado because I had reportedly admitted to myself that I had to tell all the guys i had feelings for, that I had feelings for them (will be covered in my next blog post). Turns out being brave can make you look and feel stupid. You can end up being the brunt of someone's jokes. I have a fragile heart but I wear a brave face (I also got into a disagreement with someone over me always saying "I...I...I...". That too will be another blog post. Wow, i am on a roll!)
Anyway, so this guy was quite attractive, and he was Muslim, and he was nice to my friends, but he was quite weird too. First, he expects everything he says to be law, and his assertive nature is not attractive at all. That wasn't even the half of it. He was trying to get me to prove that I loved him. Which brings me to today's blog post.
While he was ordering me to get intimate with him, my mind was spinning with lots and lots of thoughts. The major ones were; "is this another form of discrimination? why would i disgrace myself this way? does he really love me? do i love him? should i give in? is this an avenue for him to use me? how will i feel after giving up something THIS special? should i break a promise i made to myself on his behalf? what if he just gets up and leaves after that?"
Eventually, I came up with these question for myself, "what does Islam say? Am I ready for such a big step? And do i love him enough to do something that huge?"
I also thought to myself, if i wasn't muslim, would i have let a guy like him try that? And I realized that i wouldn't. So, with that in mind, i posed this question to him: "did your sister have sex before she got married?" he couldn't answer that. And i replied for him, "thought so too." Then again, maybe he refused to reply because i had told him 'no' and told him to come home and have a sit-down with my dad, and when he refused, i sent him a picture of me, and told him, "yeah, see what you missed out on!" Don't worry, the photo was totally GE.
Mama Knows Something
A while later, my mum started talking about marriage and family, and she couldn't stop telling me, "get married when you are still a virgin, and you are well-learned."
Let me tell you something about my mum: she is psychic. Well, all mums are, but her lineage has psychics. I have that gene too, so does my elder sister. Mine might be because I am a Pisces. Anyway, so she starts to tell us about her schoolmates who made the mistake of having sex before marriage and they got pregnant and the men they slept with married other women, and I started to think to myself, "oh My God, she can READ minds!"
With that thought in my head, I quickly archived the message thread of that guy, and his friend who had also been hitting on me, and i blocked both of them. Then i relaxed and realized that she was advising me because i was finishing school and going out into the world. Then i realized I was happy to have blocked those two idiots in my contacts.
With my mum's advice in mind, I provoked my dad to start a conversation and i couldn't help smiling as i listened. Yes, my dad is going to be an awesome grandfather someday, Inshaallah. He told me a lot, and what he said made me realize that marriage is not easy, but it can be bearable if you have a good foundation. My mum backed him up, talking about how Kikuyus always set the foundation to be a brighter future for their kids through investing while the kids were still young.
I realized that my parents were a good resource for information, and I couldn't help thanking Allah for them. As I said, Mama knows best. She is the only person who can help you when you need advice on things like this.
My View.
Today's pop culture has eroded the core values our societies have on marriage and love. Few people deem it important to be friends first, and get to know who you want to court. Most people don't even realize that having a girlfriend or boyfriend means you are courting them to see if they are suitable to be a life-long partner.
People today date because they think someone is attractive, or they are lonely, or they need to get over someone they dated before. Intimacy is no longer a special bond. Sex has become cheap and something people agree to do at the drop of a hat.
I am a modern girl, but I observe traditional culture. As a Muslim who isn't Cushitic or Semitic or Asian, it is harder for me to settle down because most of the above look down on African natives. Yes, racism and nepotism is real, and it is sad, really, how people can talk about the natives like they are never ideal partners, yet Allah knows best!
This prejudice has worked to my benefit though- I have managed to finish my undergraduate degree, and I am hoping to do my postgraduate by next year Inshaallah. A learned woman is the light of the community. There is always a good thing that comes out of a bad situation.
As for dating and marriage, I have decided that I shall not date. I do not want to date. It is a HUGE waste of time. Especially if you are handling manipulative people like the ones I blocked. Sex is a form of love, and should not be forced. Yes, it should happen naturally because we were born to love, be love, make love and spread love.
I'll be holding on to my books when I crash into the one I am meant to be with. I am not worried at all. I know things will work out. I was, but I have too much life to enjoy. I want to learn how to swim, I want to love my family, I want to climb mountains, I want to walk along the sea shores, and I want to love myself and my cute cousins who I watched grow up when i was older than seven years.
Lesson: Love is eternal, love is not selfish. Love is not manipulative, does not lie, or cheat. Love is natural and enduring and understanding. It is wanting the ones around you to be happy. And that is what it will always be. Once you want the best for someone else, nothing else matters.
I want the best for you.
Have a lovely day.
~Me
Today, we are going to demystify the 'sex to prove love' myth. Yes, i said it, i am going to help you guys understand why sex is not the only way to prove to a man that you love him. Well, I'll be using my mum's words, dad's thoughts spoken out loud, and my very own personal experience. Are you ready? Okay, here goes!
History.
About a month ago, I got in touch with a romantic interest of mine. I was eager to reconnect and see if there was actually a future between the two of us. I was feeling out of sorts, and had this fake sense of bravado because I had reportedly admitted to myself that I had to tell all the guys i had feelings for, that I had feelings for them (will be covered in my next blog post). Turns out being brave can make you look and feel stupid. You can end up being the brunt of someone's jokes. I have a fragile heart but I wear a brave face (I also got into a disagreement with someone over me always saying "I...I...I...". That too will be another blog post. Wow, i am on a roll!)
Anyway, so this guy was quite attractive, and he was Muslim, and he was nice to my friends, but he was quite weird too. First, he expects everything he says to be law, and his assertive nature is not attractive at all. That wasn't even the half of it. He was trying to get me to prove that I loved him. Which brings me to today's blog post.
While he was ordering me to get intimate with him, my mind was spinning with lots and lots of thoughts. The major ones were; "is this another form of discrimination? why would i disgrace myself this way? does he really love me? do i love him? should i give in? is this an avenue for him to use me? how will i feel after giving up something THIS special? should i break a promise i made to myself on his behalf? what if he just gets up and leaves after that?"
Eventually, I came up with these question for myself, "what does Islam say? Am I ready for such a big step? And do i love him enough to do something that huge?"
I also thought to myself, if i wasn't muslim, would i have let a guy like him try that? And I realized that i wouldn't. So, with that in mind, i posed this question to him: "did your sister have sex before she got married?" he couldn't answer that. And i replied for him, "thought so too." Then again, maybe he refused to reply because i had told him 'no' and told him to come home and have a sit-down with my dad, and when he refused, i sent him a picture of me, and told him, "yeah, see what you missed out on!" Don't worry, the photo was totally GE.
Mama Knows Something
A while later, my mum started talking about marriage and family, and she couldn't stop telling me, "get married when you are still a virgin, and you are well-learned."
Let me tell you something about my mum: she is psychic. Well, all mums are, but her lineage has psychics. I have that gene too, so does my elder sister. Mine might be because I am a Pisces. Anyway, so she starts to tell us about her schoolmates who made the mistake of having sex before marriage and they got pregnant and the men they slept with married other women, and I started to think to myself, "oh My God, she can READ minds!"
With that thought in my head, I quickly archived the message thread of that guy, and his friend who had also been hitting on me, and i blocked both of them. Then i relaxed and realized that she was advising me because i was finishing school and going out into the world. Then i realized I was happy to have blocked those two idiots in my contacts.
With my mum's advice in mind, I provoked my dad to start a conversation and i couldn't help smiling as i listened. Yes, my dad is going to be an awesome grandfather someday, Inshaallah. He told me a lot, and what he said made me realize that marriage is not easy, but it can be bearable if you have a good foundation. My mum backed him up, talking about how Kikuyus always set the foundation to be a brighter future for their kids through investing while the kids were still young.
I realized that my parents were a good resource for information, and I couldn't help thanking Allah for them. As I said, Mama knows best. She is the only person who can help you when you need advice on things like this.
My View.
Today's pop culture has eroded the core values our societies have on marriage and love. Few people deem it important to be friends first, and get to know who you want to court. Most people don't even realize that having a girlfriend or boyfriend means you are courting them to see if they are suitable to be a life-long partner.
People today date because they think someone is attractive, or they are lonely, or they need to get over someone they dated before. Intimacy is no longer a special bond. Sex has become cheap and something people agree to do at the drop of a hat.
I am a modern girl, but I observe traditional culture. As a Muslim who isn't Cushitic or Semitic or Asian, it is harder for me to settle down because most of the above look down on African natives. Yes, racism and nepotism is real, and it is sad, really, how people can talk about the natives like they are never ideal partners, yet Allah knows best!
This prejudice has worked to my benefit though- I have managed to finish my undergraduate degree, and I am hoping to do my postgraduate by next year Inshaallah. A learned woman is the light of the community. There is always a good thing that comes out of a bad situation.
As for dating and marriage, I have decided that I shall not date. I do not want to date. It is a HUGE waste of time. Especially if you are handling manipulative people like the ones I blocked. Sex is a form of love, and should not be forced. Yes, it should happen naturally because we were born to love, be love, make love and spread love.
I'll be holding on to my books when I crash into the one I am meant to be with. I am not worried at all. I know things will work out. I was, but I have too much life to enjoy. I want to learn how to swim, I want to love my family, I want to climb mountains, I want to walk along the sea shores, and I want to love myself and my cute cousins who I watched grow up when i was older than seven years.
Lesson: Love is eternal, love is not selfish. Love is not manipulative, does not lie, or cheat. Love is natural and enduring and understanding. It is wanting the ones around you to be happy. And that is what it will always be. Once you want the best for someone else, nothing else matters.
I want the best for you.
Have a lovely day.
~Me
Monday, 6 July 2015
Lesson 15: Of Unrequited Love
Growing up is a beautiful and ugly process. Beautiful in the sense that you change both physically and mentally. Not to be sexist or anything, but girls metamorphosis is a process that can make you cry (I still cry over my cousin. He was such a cute little thing in 2000. He was a baby i watched grow from then till now, and i can't stop wishing i had watched him daily. As his cousin, i never had that chance).
With growing up, you also start to develop feelings towards the opposite gender (ZIP IT!) and these in turn spark interest (I will not be talking about LGBT here. That is a story for another day).
I have been in love once or twice. The first being an Indian guy who had beautiful grey eyes, and his name was, let's say, *K. The second time was quite recently, with *J, and the third time was with *G. Funny thing is that J and G have a lot in common. No, they are not friends, and G is a celebrity. J and G have a lot of similarities. Their eyes are both shaped in the same way, they both sing, and they are both funny, though J is funnier. They are different though. G is a Leo, while J is an Aquarian. G is a world-class idiot, J is a... normal idiot, and G is an international phenomenon who so happens to date blondes. J is a heart breaker who so happens to date a few pretty girls now and then.
K is completely out of the loop for me. I haven't a clue where on earth he is right now. Let us just hope, for both our sakes that he is not 6 feet under. Just saying.
J and i have been friends and things have been weird between us for the past four years. Anytime i admitted to liking J, he would screw things up and then we'd fight -well, i did most of the fighting- and end up not talking to each other for months after that. Since i have very few friends, i always find myself going back to J. Honestly speaking, J felt like my Prince Charming.
However, if he was my Prince Charming, why was i not acting like the Princess i was supposed to be?
*&*&*&*&
Truth be told, i fell in love with J. He might have fallen for me too, because he praised my qualities, and loved every single thing about me. From my grammar to my blushing and even how i spoke. He loved my personality, said there was no girl he had met whose personality had him hanging over the edge. I was pretty sure things would work out.
Anytime he said hello, or came over, I'd fall in love even more. However, when push came to shove, he would bail. I always thought that maybe he needed a lot more time for himself to decide what he wanted. Being the sweet girl i am, i gave him all the time he ever needed.
Well, in that time, he managed to get a girlfriend, and he was shuttling to and fro. I was not aware of it, and helped make this possible. When he fought with her, he'd come to me. When he fought with me, he'd go to her. I found myself starting all our conversations and when i look back, i realize i would have spent those four years doing something more meaningful instead of being hang-up over a person who was already over me.
I was effectively Friend zoned, and was happy to be there. I, in turn, effectively friend zoned all the love interests in my life. Looking back on it, i understand why i felt so loveless and lonely. I am a traditional girl with some modernity thanks to trying to be a go-getter. When it came to J and I's relationship, i always felt the need to step up and do everything.
I found myself hating and loving him at the same time. I was fiercely loyal to someone who was not even in my life. I loved him so much i could what Bruno Mars would for the love of his life. He loved me too, not in the way i did. His love was more than friends, but never gonna date type. Maybe we were meant to be FWBs. I really don't know.
Either way, i will never find out, because i have shut the door. I hope i will be strong enough to go from there, happy.
*&*&*&*&
On a much lighter note though, unrequited love can actually be quite a save. At least that is what i think. I have loved someone who i never let touch me, or kiss me, and for that, i am eternally grateful because the man who will be my husband will be THE lucky guy who will touch and kiss me and love me in the way i deserve to be loved.
What i mean to say is, it can actually be a good way to be celibate. It is not wise for a lady to have more than one sexual partner. You are at risk of developing Cervical cancer. It is a sad and painful disease, and it makes you smell badly, if i am not wrong. Then again, STIs do that, so... i don't know...
The funny thing about this story i told about MY unrequited love is, G is dating a model right now, and K is still MIA. I am waiting to see him someday... because i still have a HUGE crush on him 16 years later (yes, i was 6 when i first saw him. K is bae). Sometimes i look up and imagine us meeting for the first time in years, recognizing each other from across a room. Oh my God... I have to stop. I can already see his grey eyes smiling at me as my mind plays 'Flashlight' in the background. :-D
I give up. Imma out!
Sincerely,
Me.
With growing up, you also start to develop feelings towards the opposite gender (ZIP IT!) and these in turn spark interest (I will not be talking about LGBT here. That is a story for another day).
I have been in love once or twice. The first being an Indian guy who had beautiful grey eyes, and his name was, let's say, *K. The second time was quite recently, with *J, and the third time was with *G. Funny thing is that J and G have a lot in common. No, they are not friends, and G is a celebrity. J and G have a lot of similarities. Their eyes are both shaped in the same way, they both sing, and they are both funny, though J is funnier. They are different though. G is a Leo, while J is an Aquarian. G is a world-class idiot, J is a... normal idiot, and G is an international phenomenon who so happens to date blondes. J is a heart breaker who so happens to date a few pretty girls now and then.
K is completely out of the loop for me. I haven't a clue where on earth he is right now. Let us just hope, for both our sakes that he is not 6 feet under. Just saying.
J and i have been friends and things have been weird between us for the past four years. Anytime i admitted to liking J, he would screw things up and then we'd fight -well, i did most of the fighting- and end up not talking to each other for months after that. Since i have very few friends, i always find myself going back to J. Honestly speaking, J felt like my Prince Charming.
However, if he was my Prince Charming, why was i not acting like the Princess i was supposed to be?
*&*&*&*&
Truth be told, i fell in love with J. He might have fallen for me too, because he praised my qualities, and loved every single thing about me. From my grammar to my blushing and even how i spoke. He loved my personality, said there was no girl he had met whose personality had him hanging over the edge. I was pretty sure things would work out.
Anytime he said hello, or came over, I'd fall in love even more. However, when push came to shove, he would bail. I always thought that maybe he needed a lot more time for himself to decide what he wanted. Being the sweet girl i am, i gave him all the time he ever needed.
Well, in that time, he managed to get a girlfriend, and he was shuttling to and fro. I was not aware of it, and helped make this possible. When he fought with her, he'd come to me. When he fought with me, he'd go to her. I found myself starting all our conversations and when i look back, i realize i would have spent those four years doing something more meaningful instead of being hang-up over a person who was already over me.
I was effectively Friend zoned, and was happy to be there. I, in turn, effectively friend zoned all the love interests in my life. Looking back on it, i understand why i felt so loveless and lonely. I am a traditional girl with some modernity thanks to trying to be a go-getter. When it came to J and I's relationship, i always felt the need to step up and do everything.
I found myself hating and loving him at the same time. I was fiercely loyal to someone who was not even in my life. I loved him so much i could what Bruno Mars would for the love of his life. He loved me too, not in the way i did. His love was more than friends, but never gonna date type. Maybe we were meant to be FWBs. I really don't know.
Either way, i will never find out, because i have shut the door. I hope i will be strong enough to go from there, happy.
*&*&*&*&
On a much lighter note though, unrequited love can actually be quite a save. At least that is what i think. I have loved someone who i never let touch me, or kiss me, and for that, i am eternally grateful because the man who will be my husband will be THE lucky guy who will touch and kiss me and love me in the way i deserve to be loved.
What i mean to say is, it can actually be a good way to be celibate. It is not wise for a lady to have more than one sexual partner. You are at risk of developing Cervical cancer. It is a sad and painful disease, and it makes you smell badly, if i am not wrong. Then again, STIs do that, so... i don't know...
The funny thing about this story i told about MY unrequited love is, G is dating a model right now, and K is still MIA. I am waiting to see him someday... because i still have a HUGE crush on him 16 years later (yes, i was 6 when i first saw him. K is bae). Sometimes i look up and imagine us meeting for the first time in years, recognizing each other from across a room. Oh my God... I have to stop. I can already see his grey eyes smiling at me as my mind plays 'Flashlight' in the background. :-D
I give up. Imma out!
Sincerely,
Me.
Wednesday, 6 May 2015
Lesson 13: Brave
Being brave is not easy. Never has, and never will be. i have tried to be brave but... at the last minute, my courage always pulls a disappearing act.
Recently, i found myself in a very difficult situation. I was looking for attachment positions for Electives and things were going crazy. While i lay in bed, mooning over how i couldn't do a single thing right, most of my classmates were getting overjoyed at the fun and practicals they would experience during this period.
Yesterday, i told one of my soon-to-be supervisors that waiting around was a complete waste of time. In turn, he told me to hand in my schedule. I almost bit my tongue retorting that it was all done.
I can already feel some depression settling on me.
*sigh* can't i just be a singer for electives?
Feeling Wasted
I have painful cramps and i am sitting here, contemplating on whether i am hungry, or whether my hormones are messing around with me.
i feel like walking up to someone and telling them, "you are taking me to this and this place because i am having period aches and i need something to squeeze when the pain intensifies." However, that only happens in my fantasy world.
My bran is scrambled and i don't understand what i am saying.
However, i wanna sleep. So, goodnight!
O good afternoon. *drops head onto desk and falls asleep*
Recently, i found myself in a very difficult situation. I was looking for attachment positions for Electives and things were going crazy. While i lay in bed, mooning over how i couldn't do a single thing right, most of my classmates were getting overjoyed at the fun and practicals they would experience during this period.
Yesterday, i told one of my soon-to-be supervisors that waiting around was a complete waste of time. In turn, he told me to hand in my schedule. I almost bit my tongue retorting that it was all done.
I can already feel some depression settling on me.
*sigh* can't i just be a singer for electives?
Feeling Wasted
I have painful cramps and i am sitting here, contemplating on whether i am hungry, or whether my hormones are messing around with me.
i feel like walking up to someone and telling them, "you are taking me to this and this place because i am having period aches and i need something to squeeze when the pain intensifies." However, that only happens in my fantasy world.
My bran is scrambled and i don't understand what i am saying.
However, i wanna sleep. So, goodnight!
O good afternoon. *drops head onto desk and falls asleep*
Monday, 16 February 2015
Lesson 12: Third Wheel For Valentines' Eve
Last weekend opened my eyes tremendously!
I had a taxing Friday and as such, I was feeling really low. I decided to attend my first MUMSA meeting in years. The officials have changed, and everything is different.
Very different.
After that, I decided to hang out with one of my guy friends, and he told me to go have tea with one of my other friends in his room. She made me some really good tea and we chatted and watched television and just hang out.
When the guy came in, I noticed he kept doing stuff for her. At first i thought he was trying to avoid me because maybe there was some fishy story that i didn't understand. However, later on, i noticed her trying her hardest not to cuddle because that sure would make me feel like a third-wheel.
Key word: Try.
*&*&*&*&
Well, let me let you in on the weird story part.
Back in 2nd year, this guy asked me to watch a movie with him. In his room. Every single girl with a brain the size of a pea knows that most times a guy asks you to go to his room, to watch a movie... and you are not his BFF, or he isn't your cousin or brother, then perhaps he is propositioning you.
I turned the lad down and it has never been the same again.
I say this because i sprained my wrist sometime last year and i asked my dad for help and he told me to take panadol. :-( However, my wrist was in so much pain, so i looked through my contact list and found him. He hadn't texted me in years, and i was fine with it. I mean, we just say hello when we meet plus i am not really looking in that department.
He gave me some good advice, but most of it involved "ask so and so for help because he is a specialist" and i had to put my foot down and tell him that there was a reason i asked him. He finally gave me something to work with and i wrapped my hand with a bandana, before transitioning to a piece of gauze... Is it gauze? Oh well!
Right now, the guy can't look at me without fleeing.
And that is not the cherry on the pie. My friend and him... are dating!
o_O
*&*&*&*&
Luckily for me, i had my laptop with me.
Group work and stuff... Yes, I am still working on it. It's been a tough 1 year man! And i still need to think of a study topic for my next rapid research topic. (Is that how they call it?)
Then i watched National Geographic until they changed the channel. Then i used my computer until it died. Finally, I had to zone off and give into my sleep-ish tendency.
Bottom line: when you are crashing a romantic party of two, charge your phone, and be happy that you have a life of your own even though you are so miserable. Tut Tut! You are miserable and that is why you don't trust your own company. Yeah? Good girl!
*&*&*&*&
My story has a happy ending.
The guy escorted us respectfully to my hostel. Before that, however, i ran into this young lad who kept calling my attention to himself. He is so cute and cuddly... but we are the same height... let's not go any further than that.
I slept as soon as i laid my head on my bed.
My sister and i went out the next day for lunch and we finally had lunch at Poa Resort. The fish was... not so divine, but it was overall, a good place. People were looking at us like, "okay, what are you two doing here without dates?"
Yeah, yeah, yada, yada.
I have to go. Bye!
I had a taxing Friday and as such, I was feeling really low. I decided to attend my first MUMSA meeting in years. The officials have changed, and everything is different.
Very different.
After that, I decided to hang out with one of my guy friends, and he told me to go have tea with one of my other friends in his room. She made me some really good tea and we chatted and watched television and just hang out.
When the guy came in, I noticed he kept doing stuff for her. At first i thought he was trying to avoid me because maybe there was some fishy story that i didn't understand. However, later on, i noticed her trying her hardest not to cuddle because that sure would make me feel like a third-wheel.
Key word: Try.
*&*&*&*&
Well, let me let you in on the weird story part.
Back in 2nd year, this guy asked me to watch a movie with him. In his room. Every single girl with a brain the size of a pea knows that most times a guy asks you to go to his room, to watch a movie... and you are not his BFF, or he isn't your cousin or brother, then perhaps he is propositioning you.
I turned the lad down and it has never been the same again.
I say this because i sprained my wrist sometime last year and i asked my dad for help and he told me to take panadol. :-( However, my wrist was in so much pain, so i looked through my contact list and found him. He hadn't texted me in years, and i was fine with it. I mean, we just say hello when we meet plus i am not really looking in that department.
He gave me some good advice, but most of it involved "ask so and so for help because he is a specialist" and i had to put my foot down and tell him that there was a reason i asked him. He finally gave me something to work with and i wrapped my hand with a bandana, before transitioning to a piece of gauze... Is it gauze? Oh well!
Right now, the guy can't look at me without fleeing.
And that is not the cherry on the pie. My friend and him... are dating!
o_O
*&*&*&*&
Luckily for me, i had my laptop with me.
Group work and stuff... Yes, I am still working on it. It's been a tough 1 year man! And i still need to think of a study topic for my next rapid research topic. (Is that how they call it?)
Then i watched National Geographic until they changed the channel. Then i used my computer until it died. Finally, I had to zone off and give into my sleep-ish tendency.
Bottom line: when you are crashing a romantic party of two, charge your phone, and be happy that you have a life of your own even though you are so miserable. Tut Tut! You are miserable and that is why you don't trust your own company. Yeah? Good girl!
*&*&*&*&
My story has a happy ending.
The guy escorted us respectfully to my hostel. Before that, however, i ran into this young lad who kept calling my attention to himself. He is so cute and cuddly... but we are the same height... let's not go any further than that.
I slept as soon as i laid my head on my bed.
My sister and i went out the next day for lunch and we finally had lunch at Poa Resort. The fish was... not so divine, but it was overall, a good place. People were looking at us like, "okay, what are you two doing here without dates?"
Yeah, yeah, yada, yada.
I have to go. Bye!
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Lesson 11: Trials And Tribulations of Being a Chubby, Plus-Size Woman
"Unadhani matatu ni ya babaako? Hebu kaa square!"
"Lakini sasa, ntaketi aje square? Kiti ni ndogo."
"Hebu keti vizuri bure unalipia viti mbili." *viwili
That is how a plus size woman like me has to endure everyone if they do not have the body shape and size of a girl similar to Tegla Lourupe. Girls like Vera Sidika have a HUGE problem when they use PSVs thus they buy their own cars faster than most people would.
I so happen to be one of those women who are quite well-endowed. I have broad shoulders and wide hips and though my sister thinks I am perfect, I know for sure that I am not. Have you seen how crazily people look at me because of it? I freeze up and hide away.
This blog post is a reply to one I read from a blogger who's friends with a friend of mine. He doesn't know I am a plus-size/chubby/obese girl. I sound better than I look.
Anyway, here's the breakdown of how I really feel. ENJOY!
.
.
.
At "Being Girly", I intend to irritate, imitate, amuse and sometimes, if i can do it, be as sacarstic as I can.
Sacarsm is a course, sass is an art.You don't just get them, you work to be them.
So, here are the scenarios I have faced so far.
1.) Too heavy to lift
You're watching telly, watching a totally cute couple hug it out, then the guy lifts her up and her face is nothing but bliss. You look at her and wrinkle your nose in anger and dislike. "Why does she have to be so small?! She will take all the mens for herself!"
When I was younger, i always wanted the man I would marry to sweep me off my feet. I kind of had this HUGE crush on this asian guy who had GREY eyes and i wanted the two of us to get married. I was 7 years old then.
Fast forward to 15 years later and I am wondering where my "Johnnie" is. I am probably four times the weight i was back in the day, and yeah, do not get me started on how depressing it is to see all your skinny friends have boyfriends while no one even spares you a look.
If i passed out right now, it would take a village to carry me.
Just saying.
If i don't lose this weight. my husband will not carry me across the threshold. *freaking out* where are my fairy God parents?
Chic, please be grateful you are 45kgs. Some of us are so much more and guys can not even hug us the way they would hug you.
You'll miss being thin when you gain all the weight after maternity. You have been warned.
2.) Matatu conductors bully you
I won't lie to you.
I probably do not get that bullied because I dress up quite decently, and maybe because I look pretty young for my size.
However, there are times people have gotten off the matatu before their destination because my hips have hurt them too much. I press them to the wall and the person kind of just decides to leave me alone.
Then I also have wide shoulders.
Double Trouble everyone, double trouble.
If you are a small chic, you can be carried by someone else. Even your boyfriend. Plus there is a chance that you can get the window seat. :-)
So stop complaining and be happy!
3.) Everyone assumes you're a glutton
This has got to be the most important scenario. Back in 1st year, my roomie and I used to buy two chapos. we'd each have one if there was rice for supper. However, when we had nothing but stew, we bought 3. We'd split the third chapati between the two of us.
So, one day, my roomie sent me to buy her and I some chapos. I got to the food kiosk, (we called them Zion Mall but they were not Zion Mall). Anyway, I meet both my best friends there and they ask me why I ma buying only two chapatis. I told them I am buying for my roomie and I.
They were like, "hio inakuanga snack!"
To tell you the truth, I eat a third of what my friends eat. They get frustrated and force me to eat. It is never a pretty sight.
My bff wonders why I am still fat if i eat even less than her.
Skinny people are lucky. At least when they go buy food, no one looks at them like they are gluttons or piglets. They even get extra. I'd die if those were bhajias you were getting dear! I would kill you! MYSELF!
Thank God you are skinny and people keep giving you food so that you can get some meat on your bones. You do not know what I would give to have that skinny body even for an hour.
4.)You always have to look twice as hard to find a good piece of clothing.
Going second-hand shopping might or might not be so easy.
It might be easy when you find all the pretty clothes that fit on the first day. It might not be easy if all the pretty clothes don't fit you.
When i used to go shopping with my friends, they always went back with something. I on the other hand... got myself a pair of earrings from a shop somewhere because i couldn't find something that fitted.
I got problems fitting into trousers because all of them are designed for women with much smaller thighs. I have always had big thighs. They never get any smaller when the weight drops. My mum tells me that those thighs gotta go, but honestly, i have been that way since i was a kid.
5.) Your Old Clothes Don't fit.
Every sensible Kenyan mum buys kids clothes they can wear for several years.
My mum did so when she was bringing me up. However, the clothes she got me four years ago do NOT fit.I don't know what happened. i won't admit to knowing what happened. Eh, i can't.
My sister on the other hand just slithers into the clothes and they fit.
I AM SO FREAKING JEALOUS!
6.) You Are Always on the Defensive.
I tell you, it is true, even i admit to this. Anytime someone used to tell me i was fat, i used to insist i have beeg bonez.
Big bones are probably the best excuse if you are a Luhya or Luo. For Kikuyus, they can well say that their family looks like that. If their family is not attacking them.
I know for a fact that some ladies gain weight when they take oral FP pills. However, for those of us who have steadily been gaining weight, you will always disagree with people when it comes to your diet. I know for a fact that i disagree with people because my diet is what your nutritionist will give you when you join a gym. Then again, maybe that will be the diet you will take up when you decide you want to lose weight.
BREAKFAST: 1 cup of tea + a slice of bread
TEA BREAK: water, or nothing really. Sometimes there is a smokie, or a packet of gingernut biscuits. (they are usually 3 in a packet.)
LUNCH: water, and a snack like biscuits. On proper lunches, i eat mess food. We both know how disgusting it can be sometimes.
TEA BREAK: nothing. Of recent, maybe some tea. Tiny cup of it. Or strong tea.
SUPPER: ugali and something. My ugali is smaller than what i ate in boarding school. It is actually half of it, with lots of veggies. Sometimes i don't eat. :-)
Look at that diet... then tell me if i have a right to be on defense mode
I know some people eat bunny food. I tried that and i had to tolerate heartburn. I have a fussy tummy. Eh!
7.) No Love Life
Guys want a woman who is tiny. I know that for a fact.
The kind of big woman they want is the Vera Sidika type: Big bust, big backside, tiny waist...
Meaning, if you aren't small bodied, and don't look even a little bit like Vera, then you are out of the running to someone's heart.
I know what i am talking about, so if you are angry at me for pointing this out, just take it out on me in the comment box below. Honestly, i am so sick and tired of people telling me they don't like me "that way" because i am not small.
I was never a 36-24-36. I never was. I guess i can say i am big for my age. Thanks to that, i am probably going to be attending other people's weddings instead of my own. I will gladly go dance too. I know for a fact that these weddings are ideal places to dance because on that day, no one will judge you. Especially if you are a goody-two shoes like me.
*&*&*&*&
I don't hate small people. I just hate how people adore small people. It is like seeing a brown person and terming them beautiful without a doubt.
My dear, beauty is from within. Glowing eyes, lovely spirit, charming personality, and most importantly, God-fearing.
This is me talking, not the chubby girl. Everyone is different. Their differences make this world beautiful. If you watched the Kenyan Crown Paint advert, you will understand why i say that differences make the world beautiful. For those who haven't, let me explain my theory to you. Imagine if the world was all just white ice... or just mountainous... or just all desert... or just sea. The first time we would have been to it, we'd be like, "It is beautiful." However, after staying and moving and seeing the same place, it becomes drab and boring.
If you can't relate to that, here's my third and final example. Have you ever travelled through a desert-ish place? All you saw was dry soil, sand maybe, a few dead plants... and that was it, right? Your eyes probably grew tired and you fell asleep at some point, yeah? When you see something that does not change for a long time, you kind of get tired of it. You even become disturbed. Not physically, mentally. I know that because when travelling to Mombasa, when you get to the Yatta Plateau, you ought to close your eyes and sleep till you get to Voi. There are elephants somewhere near there, and hills that look... interesting at Voi, which will definitely catch your attention after the drab drab drab entirety of your travel.
I have to go. I hope you understand what i am pointing out, yeah?
Have a lovely time.
Good night/Good morning/Good day
"Lakini sasa, ntaketi aje square? Kiti ni ndogo."
"Hebu keti vizuri bure unalipia viti mbili." *viwili
That is how a plus size woman like me has to endure everyone if they do not have the body shape and size of a girl similar to Tegla Lourupe. Girls like Vera Sidika have a HUGE problem when they use PSVs thus they buy their own cars faster than most people would.
I so happen to be one of those women who are quite well-endowed. I have broad shoulders and wide hips and though my sister thinks I am perfect, I know for sure that I am not. Have you seen how crazily people look at me because of it? I freeze up and hide away.
This blog post is a reply to one I read from a blogger who's friends with a friend of mine. He doesn't know I am a plus-size/chubby/obese girl. I sound better than I look.
Anyway, here's the breakdown of how I really feel. ENJOY!
.
.
.
At "Being Girly", I intend to irritate, imitate, amuse and sometimes, if i can do it, be as sacarstic as I can.
Sacarsm is a course, sass is an art.You don't just get them, you work to be them.
So, here are the scenarios I have faced so far.
1.) Too heavy to lift
You're watching telly, watching a totally cute couple hug it out, then the guy lifts her up and her face is nothing but bliss. You look at her and wrinkle your nose in anger and dislike. "Why does she have to be so small?! She will take all the mens for herself!"
When I was younger, i always wanted the man I would marry to sweep me off my feet. I kind of had this HUGE crush on this asian guy who had GREY eyes and i wanted the two of us to get married. I was 7 years old then.
Fast forward to 15 years later and I am wondering where my "Johnnie" is. I am probably four times the weight i was back in the day, and yeah, do not get me started on how depressing it is to see all your skinny friends have boyfriends while no one even spares you a look.
If i passed out right now, it would take a village to carry me.
Just saying.
If i don't lose this weight. my husband will not carry me across the threshold. *freaking out* where are my fairy God parents?
Chic, please be grateful you are 45kgs. Some of us are so much more and guys can not even hug us the way they would hug you.
You'll miss being thin when you gain all the weight after maternity. You have been warned.
2.) Matatu conductors bully you
I won't lie to you.
I probably do not get that bullied because I dress up quite decently, and maybe because I look pretty young for my size.
However, there are times people have gotten off the matatu before their destination because my hips have hurt them too much. I press them to the wall and the person kind of just decides to leave me alone.
Then I also have wide shoulders.
Double Trouble everyone, double trouble.
If you are a small chic, you can be carried by someone else. Even your boyfriend. Plus there is a chance that you can get the window seat. :-)
So stop complaining and be happy!
3.) Everyone assumes you're a glutton
This has got to be the most important scenario. Back in 1st year, my roomie and I used to buy two chapos. we'd each have one if there was rice for supper. However, when we had nothing but stew, we bought 3. We'd split the third chapati between the two of us.
So, one day, my roomie sent me to buy her and I some chapos. I got to the food kiosk, (we called them Zion Mall but they were not Zion Mall). Anyway, I meet both my best friends there and they ask me why I ma buying only two chapatis. I told them I am buying for my roomie and I.
They were like, "hio inakuanga snack!"
To tell you the truth, I eat a third of what my friends eat. They get frustrated and force me to eat. It is never a pretty sight.
My bff wonders why I am still fat if i eat even less than her.
Skinny people are lucky. At least when they go buy food, no one looks at them like they are gluttons or piglets. They even get extra. I'd die if those were bhajias you were getting dear! I would kill you! MYSELF!
Thank God you are skinny and people keep giving you food so that you can get some meat on your bones. You do not know what I would give to have that skinny body even for an hour.
4.)You always have to look twice as hard to find a good piece of clothing.
Going second-hand shopping might or might not be so easy.
It might be easy when you find all the pretty clothes that fit on the first day. It might not be easy if all the pretty clothes don't fit you.
When i used to go shopping with my friends, they always went back with something. I on the other hand... got myself a pair of earrings from a shop somewhere because i couldn't find something that fitted.
I got problems fitting into trousers because all of them are designed for women with much smaller thighs. I have always had big thighs. They never get any smaller when the weight drops. My mum tells me that those thighs gotta go, but honestly, i have been that way since i was a kid.
5.) Your Old Clothes Don't fit.
Every sensible Kenyan mum buys kids clothes they can wear for several years.
My mum did so when she was bringing me up. However, the clothes she got me four years ago do NOT fit.
My sister on the other hand just slithers into the clothes and they fit.
I AM SO FREAKING JEALOUS!
6.) You Are Always on the Defensive.
I tell you, it is true, even i admit to this. Anytime someone used to tell me i was fat, i used to insist i have beeg bonez.
Big bones are probably the best excuse if you are a Luhya or Luo. For Kikuyus, they can well say that their family looks like that. If their family is not attacking them.
I know for a fact that some ladies gain weight when they take oral FP pills. However, for those of us who have steadily been gaining weight, you will always disagree with people when it comes to your diet. I know for a fact that i disagree with people because my diet is what your nutritionist will give you when you join a gym. Then again, maybe that will be the diet you will take up when you decide you want to lose weight.
BREAKFAST: 1 cup of tea + a slice of bread
TEA BREAK: water, or nothing really. Sometimes there is a smokie, or a packet of gingernut biscuits. (they are usually 3 in a packet.)
LUNCH: water, and a snack like biscuits. On proper lunches, i eat mess food. We both know how disgusting it can be sometimes.
TEA BREAK: nothing. Of recent, maybe some tea. Tiny cup of it. Or strong tea.
SUPPER: ugali and something. My ugali is smaller than what i ate in boarding school. It is actually half of it, with lots of veggies. Sometimes i don't eat. :-)
Look at that diet... then tell me if i have a right to be on defense mode
I know some people eat bunny food. I tried that and i had to tolerate heartburn. I have a fussy tummy. Eh!
7.) No Love Life
Guys want a woman who is tiny. I know that for a fact.
The kind of big woman they want is the Vera Sidika type: Big bust, big backside, tiny waist...
Meaning, if you aren't small bodied, and don't look even a little bit like Vera, then you are out of the running to someone's heart.
I know what i am talking about, so if you are angry at me for pointing this out, just take it out on me in the comment box below. Honestly, i am so sick and tired of people telling me they don't like me "that way" because i am not small.
I was never a 36-24-36. I never was. I guess i can say i am big for my age. Thanks to that, i am probably going to be attending other people's weddings instead of my own. I will gladly go dance too. I know for a fact that these weddings are ideal places to dance because on that day, no one will judge you. Especially if you are a goody-two shoes like me.
*&*&*&*&
I don't hate small people. I just hate how people adore small people. It is like seeing a brown person and terming them beautiful without a doubt.
My dear, beauty is from within. Glowing eyes, lovely spirit, charming personality, and most importantly, God-fearing.
This is me talking, not the chubby girl. Everyone is different. Their differences make this world beautiful. If you watched the Kenyan Crown Paint advert, you will understand why i say that differences make the world beautiful. For those who haven't, let me explain my theory to you. Imagine if the world was all just white ice... or just mountainous... or just all desert... or just sea. The first time we would have been to it, we'd be like, "It is beautiful." However, after staying and moving and seeing the same place, it becomes drab and boring.
If you can't relate to that, here's my third and final example. Have you ever travelled through a desert-ish place? All you saw was dry soil, sand maybe, a few dead plants... and that was it, right? Your eyes probably grew tired and you fell asleep at some point, yeah? When you see something that does not change for a long time, you kind of get tired of it. You even become disturbed. Not physically, mentally. I know that because when travelling to Mombasa, when you get to the Yatta Plateau, you ought to close your eyes and sleep till you get to Voi. There are elephants somewhere near there, and hills that look... interesting at Voi, which will definitely catch your attention after the drab drab drab entirety of your travel.
I have to go. I hope you understand what i am pointing out, yeah?
Have a lovely time.
Good night/Good morning/Good day
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
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