Growing up is a beautiful and ugly process. Beautiful in the sense that you change both physically and mentally. Not to be sexist or anything, but girls metamorphosis is a process that can make you cry (I still cry over my cousin. He was such a cute little thing in 2000. He was a baby i watched grow from then till now, and i can't stop wishing i had watched him daily. As his cousin, i never had that chance).
With growing up, you also start to develop feelings towards the opposite gender (ZIP IT!) and these in turn spark interest (I will not be talking about LGBT here. That is a story for another day).
I have been in love once or twice. The first being an Indian guy who had beautiful grey eyes, and his name was, let's say, *K. The second time was quite recently, with *J, and the third time was with *G. Funny thing is that J and G have a lot in common. No, they are not friends, and G is a celebrity. J and G have a lot of similarities. Their eyes are both shaped in the same way, they both sing, and they are both funny, though J is funnier. They are different though. G is a Leo, while J is an Aquarian. G is a world-class idiot, J is a... normal idiot, and G is an international phenomenon who so happens to date blondes. J is a heart breaker who so happens to date a few pretty girls now and then.
K is completely out of the loop for me. I haven't a clue where on earth he is right now. Let us just hope, for both our sakes that he is not 6 feet under. Just saying.
J and i have been friends and things have been weird between us for the past four years. Anytime i admitted to liking J, he would screw things up and then we'd fight -well, i did most of the fighting- and end up not talking to each other for months after that. Since i have very few friends, i always find myself going back to J. Honestly speaking, J felt like my Prince Charming.
However, if he was my Prince Charming, why was i not acting like the Princess i was supposed to be?
*&*&*&*&
Truth be told, i fell in love with J. He might have fallen for me too, because he praised my qualities, and loved every single thing about me. From my grammar to my blushing and even how i spoke. He loved my personality, said there was no girl he had met whose personality had him hanging over the edge. I was pretty sure things would work out.
Anytime he said hello, or came over, I'd fall in love even more. However, when push came to shove, he would bail. I always thought that maybe he needed a lot more time for himself to decide what he wanted. Being the sweet girl i am, i gave him all the time he ever needed.
Well, in that time, he managed to get a girlfriend, and he was shuttling to and fro. I was not aware of it, and helped make this possible. When he fought with her, he'd come to me. When he fought with me, he'd go to her. I found myself starting all our conversations and when i look back, i realize i would have spent those four years doing something more meaningful instead of being hang-up over a person who was already over me.
I was effectively Friend zoned, and was happy to be there. I, in turn, effectively friend zoned all the love interests in my life. Looking back on it, i understand why i felt so loveless and lonely. I am a traditional girl with some modernity thanks to trying to be a go-getter. When it came to J and I's relationship, i always felt the need to step up and do everything.
I found myself hating and loving him at the same time. I was fiercely loyal to someone who was not even in my life. I loved him so much i could what Bruno Mars would for the love of his life. He loved me too, not in the way i did. His love was more than friends, but never gonna date type. Maybe we were meant to be FWBs. I really don't know.
Either way, i will never find out, because i have shut the door. I hope i will be strong enough to go from there, happy.
*&*&*&*&
On a much lighter note though, unrequited love can actually be quite a save. At least that is what i think. I have loved someone who i never let touch me, or kiss me, and for that, i am eternally grateful because the man who will be my husband will be THE lucky guy who will touch and kiss me and love me in the way i deserve to be loved.
What i mean to say is, it can actually be a good way to be celibate. It is not wise for a lady to have more than one sexual partner. You are at risk of developing Cervical cancer. It is a sad and painful disease, and it makes you smell badly, if i am not wrong. Then again, STIs do that, so... i don't know...
The funny thing about this story i told about MY unrequited love is, G is dating a model right now, and K is still MIA. I am waiting to see him someday... because i still have a HUGE crush on him 16 years later (yes, i was 6 when i first saw him. K is bae). Sometimes i look up and imagine us meeting for the first time in years, recognizing each other from across a room. Oh my God... I have to stop. I can already see his grey eyes smiling at me as my mind plays 'Flashlight' in the background. :-D
I give up. Imma out!
Sincerely,
Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment