Lesson 45: of a rainy day in July

 Climate change is bad bad bad. 

This comes from the point of view a woman who likes to go outdoors and receive her daily dose of vitamin D. Okay... maybe not daily...

July is normally a cool or cold month. Every Kenyan knows just how cold June  July and August can get. That is usually the time you match your jacket to your lips and colour code your scarf with your shoes... or something like that. It is mostly dry so what is mud? 

This year however, with the late rains, "freeze and shine" is not possible. How do you even start to leave your house with no idea of how you could come home and find water became an unwelcome guest? Unless it is leaking out of your taps during a rationing by the city's providers...

So now, being girly and chic is trying to be functional and warm in the cold season. How to go about wearing and shedding layers is exhausting. Especially if you grabbed the first bunch of clothes you had and threw them on, thinking that the cold would persist throughout the day. Well, should I pull a Naomi Clark and decline the offer to take off my coat gracefully? Hmm... maybe...? 

What's this on my forehead? No, it isn't sweat. I'm thawing ice in my coat. Oh, am i gasping for air? Nope, I am pausing for dramatic effect-

If anyone needs to revive me with my inhaler, I think I lost it...

Anyway, climate change is real and now we have to change our wardrobes. Again. 

Lord have mercy!

Sincerely,

Me!

Lesson 44: Grown Now?

 I think I am all grown up now... or sometimes I think I am...?

It has been three years since my last update... or what looks like three years. Being Girly has always been one of my easier blogs to update because I tell stories my way on here. I don't need to use formal language, or avoid abbreviations. You know the best part though? It is the story of a girl to the rest of the world. 

Previously, I wanted to be a lot of things: a singer, writer, published researcher, dancer, and even I once entertained the thought, believe it or not, of being an actress. I know, I know... a girl can dream! However, remember Lupita Nyong'o said that our dreams are valid. Well, once in a while, I still dream about going on a world tour as a singer or author. Or both. 

However, I have since been swamped with activities that necessitate "growing up." These days, day-dreaming will not feed your bills (unless there is a research experiment that pays you to daydream)... Insomnia is one of the ghosts that has never left my side, especially since I turned 16. I blame school, but sometimes I also blame myself. Bills, future plans and constant conversations are always following me even when I flee... being an introvert, I do not like the option of no peace of mind, especially from overstimulation. 

With age, I have come to understand that as much as I may get angry because things do not go my way, there are situations where I have little to no power over what I can do. I have come to realise that I have no control over what people choose to do about what they think I am, and so with this thought in mind, I have steadily began to pay no heed to what everyone feels. I participate less and less in group discussions about who is getting married next, and I have absolutely no need to stop anyone from thinking that I might be the most uptight person. I do not have the energy to argue, probably because I am already overstimulated from work. 

My bed was my freedom, however that has since changed becauise insomnia is not really freedom, is it? I also found out that it could be a sign of anxiety, insomnia I mean... so now I have decided that late hours scrolling down fanfiction on Wattpad are no longer welcome, no matter how nice the stories are. Also, stop judging me about Wattpad. Actually, you can judge. I am too tired to decide if I care about that, haha... 

Okay, maybe I am not that grown up... yet.

A few days ago, someone asked me to say what was interesting about me. I said I take a while to process things. It hit me later that I not only called myself "slow" but that if my quiz was being marked by the said person, they might have been biased in a way towards me and I would either get a high or low score. True, I am a bit slow when deciding things, but who isn't? Not you? Oh, my bad... anywhoo, I legitimately said I am slow-witted, and now it has been a few days later and I am realising I could have said that I lowkey like gymnastics, or bingewatch Make It Or Break It anytime I want to see women being powerful... (again, judge all you want. MIOBI is awesome, leotards ir no leotards). I could have said I birdwatch despite not knowing the birds scientific names, or that I love nature... or that sometimes I sing to relieve stress but have never been to a karaoke bar... but nooo, I had to go out of my way and say I am slow-witted.

I have bashed my head in a hundred plus times in my mind. I have absolutely done myself in. I love being an introvert. It is beautiful. I think that is one of the most amazing and painful things to discover about yourself. Anyway, this world keeps on turning and you have to keep running... in some way. 

Till next time everyone!

With love,

Me. 

Lesson 43: of loud silences

This is not a Taylor Swift song, but it references one. 

It has been a crazy year so far. I am even afraid that this might be the end... But I do know that God has a huge plan for us and so I stay steady in that lane. 

The past few months after my last post have made me settle more into roles I previously wasn't too comfortable about. Like how I was a student ambassador who was too worried about how everyone would look at me. 

Or how much weight I gained post undergrad and how unattractive the guys I liked might find me.

Or how much I underestimate my abilities, or overestimate everyone else's. 

There is a reason I am an INFP-T anyway... Right? That self doubt at the back of my mind, being too harsh on myself, but unusually lax to other people sometimes... 

The struggle is real guys. 

Yet, somehow, I found beauty in a strange way. I have come to terms with the fact that making an attempt at anything is a big deal, especially if it something I am not open to doing. 

That doesn't mean I am going to conquer my fear of heights in China. 

With self understanding, I can start to appreciate myself more. I am always ready to learn new things, and with this new outlook, I am loving it more and more. Last year, I started crocheting and now I do it often. I decided to try and learn something new and it was fun.

Unfortunately, any time I spend money on other things, I wonder how many balls of yarn I would have bought with the equivalent of what I spent. 

Hmmm...

This is an exciting journey that I can't press 'pause' on yet. I hope to work harder and better, and this might even inform my future decisions. 

I can't wait to live a whole new life in the middle of this pandemic. 

Don't give up guys. Let us grow together. PS: I am also very confused and have lotsa things to do 😂 

I'll be on my way.

Kind regards,

Me.

Lesson 42: Of Ten Things Your Salonist Did That Made You Go 'Nope'

This blog update is just for the girls. Perhaps men can relate, perhaps they can't. I only shaved my head for three years, and the style was always the same: no hair left.

I can't believe it has been almost fifteen years since I last shaved my locks. That is a long time! As thus, this topic might be something you or your girlfriend could relate to.

So, without much further ado, here are the ten things your Salonist did that made you go 'nope!'

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1. No Dry Towel?
There is nothing worse than going to the salon for a nice and relaxing scalp scrub and then having the wet towel cling to your neck through every other process after that. Your Salonist might be running low on towels the first time, but by the second or third visit, she/he should surely have had the wisdom to get more... Right?

2. Phone Call While Rub-A-Dub at The Sink
The scrubbing is going pretty well. You are exfoliating properly, chatting well, enjoying the nice, warm water until her/his phone rings, and then a five minute conversation filled with laughter and what seems like a catch up ensues.

It gets worse if you're rinsing out hair straightening chemicals from your hair. This is just a big 'nope.'

Can't the call wait...?


3. Stepping Out To Chat
This is okay if you're under a drier for treatment or setting, but if this happens in the middle of getting your cornrows done, or chemical applied, or a weave being installed, then this is not professional.

At all.


4. Literally Digs Your Hair With The Blowdry
No. It is exactly as I said.

And yes, it sounds as bad as it looks.

This happened to me and by the time I was done visiting that salon, my DNA had touched every part of the room. It was even floating in the air. I think I even inhaled it.

Let's just say I am not going back in a looong time.


5. Gets Too Involved in Your Personal Business
That one Salonist who spends the entire time they're doing your hair looking over your head and shoulders at your social media updates and texts.

Honey, no.


6. The Ones With The Old Stories
There's usually those salonists who know everything about everything that's happening in the community, and they won't stop talking about it.

You can't catch a nap when you need it. They keep talking about the same story and you're worried they're stuck with that one cassette that's playing on loop in their heads.

Silence can also be companiable, you know?


7. The Ones Who Disregard Your Opinions
If your Salonist asks you what you want on your head, and you tell them, and they deliberately disregard it without telling you... Then why exactly did they even ask?

This is pretty rude.

I'm leaving that salon and never going back.


8. The One Who Brags About Her Work Experience
If no one asked, please don't blow your own horn. It is rude.

Most times, the salonists who brag about handling hair for years and years generally tend to let you down. I am not saying that people who have been in the hair business for long are snobs, it is just that the ones I have encountered who brag about years of experience actually tend to categorize all the hair as the same and treat it all in the same way.

By manhandling.

My gosh. Be nice. This hair took years to grow.


9. The Lacklustre Salonist
He/she doesn't do a good job, and once you step into such a salon, you feel like your positive mood has been sucked out of you. You can't enjoy the me-time that comes with going to the salon. These salonists might have their own issues that they can't solve, and they might even cut or burn your scalp.

Especially if they're handling hot or sharp things.

We wouldn't want a distracted person handling our sensitive hair while in their own woeful world now, would we?


10. The Denier
The one who is the absolute 'nope' of all these categories. They can never accept that they made a mistake. The first time I did my retouch, my then Salonist burnt some parts of my scalp. I had those yellow swollen things on my head for almost a month.

When my sister went there and notified her that she had burnt my scalp, she vehemently denied it.

Even I was surprised by how a mild chemical like 'Beautiful Beginnings' could burn my scalp. She said it was my fault.

Turned out she wanted my hair to be thin and bone straight. I had to stop going to her salon after that.

It was a big 'nope' for me.



°•°•°•°•

So that was my post for today folks! I will see you in my next update.

Bye!

Lesson 41: of finding oneself

I promise this won't be a long post.

I've never been the person who tried to fit into the mold. Not because I was striving so hard to be different, but simply because I am that one person who won't put in effort if they don't see the point.

This doesn't mean that I won't post anymore. It just means that for the longest time, I pushed myself to be there. By there, I mean a place where everyone could kind of see me, but they didn't.

Now that I am getting older, I find more and more reason daily not to head down that path. I am not saying that I don't like talking to people, hanging out and connecting. All I am saying is that I have a much lower tolerance for it, and I have finally started to understand that this is just who I am.

It has made me more expressive with writing than with speaking. It has its upsides and downsides, and that is fine. We are all different and our beauty is in our differences.

I don't know how I always managed to tell everyone but myself this. I hated seeing people in self doubt, and the pain of loneliness for them would make me do my best to reach out and help. I did all this, and wore myself out, and now I realize that I should have focused on myself too.

I feel like I am raising a baby version of my personality today.

It feels great to finally start focusing more on myself. Loving one self is not an easy journey. You beat yourself down constantly, choose others all the time, and worry about how everyone will perceive you. You can't completely be who you want to be when you are in this kind of situation.

It hurts.

So i'm daring myself to walk down that path that I couldn't go five years back. I hope I can fall in love with myself some more.

Okay, good night!

Lesson 40: of twenty fun things to do during self-quarantine

I have thought about it for a while, and come to the decision that, unless extremely important, I will try very hard not to talk about dating on this blog.

Okay, here you go! Please note that this is the fun version of my post on my blog. So, without much further ado, here we go!

1. Paint
Paint as much as you want! Just remember that you need to use paint that doesn't  aggravate asthma or other respiratory diseases.

2. Knit
Bored? How about downloading videos and pulling out those knitting needles you bought five years ago? 

3. Dress loosely
This is the one time you can wear Diras the whole day. Especially if you've been wearing trousers and other uncomfortable things (yes, I am looking at G-strings heehee). Have fun with your blood circulation, okay?

4. Breast cancer awareness is everyday
Yes, let those tatas free (if you don't know what that means, at least look at the subtopic title)!

5. Get to know your neighbour
This is the time you should finally communicate using taps and Morse code with that attractive neighbour of yours. Who knows? Maybe you might actually become a thing? 

6. Prank call someone you like
Rule number one: you should change your call settings to 'unknown number'

7. Bake
Always wanted to be Taytay Swift? Wanted to eat home made brownies or pies? This is the time to google and youtube those cup recipes, especially if you live alone.

8. Martha Stewart your kitchen skills
Or in Kenya, you can 'Pika na Raych,' your skills. I actually don't know who is the best youtube chef in Kenya, but I loved Raych's omena and samosa episodes.

9. Make sock puppets
Sock puppets that can 'eat' and 'swallow' cars passing outside on the road

10. Build forts
Who did this as a kid? It isn't too late to start anyway!

11. Study
And you know very well that I do not mean Facebook. Okay?

12. Indoor farming
This is the time you can try fully embracing indoor farming.

13. Clean your windows
You know you've had them at the back of your mind for long enough, right? Do it now.

14. Throw a concert for yourself
Yes. You read it. Throw a concert and be the main singer or dancer. It can even be a world tour, with different rooms on different days.

15. Attend a live streaming concert 
Instagram has helped a lot of people cope with the silence that comes with self quarantine and isolation. Why not check out Sautisol when they play next?

16. Take care of your pet
Are you perhaps a mummy or daddy to a pet? By pet, I also mean your cactus plants. Take care of them, speak to them sweetly, and be happy you get to be with them every day.

17. Act 
Have you always wanted to try out for acting? No? Okay, if you never wanted it, then that's great too! Record yourself acting out scenes of your favourite movies, series and plays. 

*Queue 'Romeo and Juliet' oh, Romeo!/Romeo!'

18. Try Ramyeon
Or ramen. Keep it clean and tasty. Don't forget to pour in some vinegar. 

19. Colour your hair
This is the one time you can try colouring your hair temporarily in that shade that was too outrageous for the office. 

20. Put twists on your hair
This is very important for young women who are all alone and can't go to the salon. You can do an entire tutorial just for this.



Then there is a surplus. Tada

21. Sleep in
If you don't have to do Zoom meetings, sleep early and wake up at 8.00 am to work. If you're a student who was preparing to graduate, this is your chance to take really good care of yourself. Do beauty regimens and work out to keep fit so that your lungs work well. 

Let us flatten the curve with COVID-19. So, please wash your hands, eat healthy and live your life happily. 

See you next time on my next update!

Yours sincerely,
Me.

Lesson 39: of avoiding chaotic relationships

Say hello to Miss. H.

We use strange letters today to protect the people's identities.

Miss. H is a young, spirited lady who is just shy of 30 by three or so years. Her days are filled with hopeful thoughts on a bigger and much better future for herself and future descendants.

She isn't in a hurry to settle down, so she spends her days being a happy-go-lucky young person. In this economy. I know. Happiness begins when you appreciate the little things you have, and have faith in bigger and better things on their way.

While we might think Miss. H is very happy about what she has in her life, there seems to be something we don't know. That is, there is something, or rather someone, or some people who continuously plague her thought process everyday.

If it isn't lewd gestures and crass jokes from men at work, then it is proposals that couldn't be taken seriously by any woman.

Then there are the two or three men obsessed with telling her that she needs to love them because they can't function without her love.

Miss. H does her best to avoid dealing with them but they make it so hard for her. It almost feels like she is in Sparta every day. One wrong word with either of these men and she could be taken advantage of.

She tries not to think of the risk she could be facing by entertaining their affections, so she either ignores them, or treats them with cold civility. In the past, when she was nicer to a few other young men, and entertained their attentions for longer than a week, then refused to date them, she was called names.

Not that she isn't called names right now either, but it Burt when her integrity and clean record was dragged and soiled by words that could make this blog post get taken down. Miss. H does not show that these hurt. She keeps moving on.

Due to all these, she is even afraid to approach relationships.

Recently, Mr. L, one of her longest standing admirers, messaged her and asked her out. Miss. H turned him down politely, indicating she wasn't looking to settle down. At least not yet, or perhaps she couldn't be too sure she wanted to do it. Mr. L told her she was being immature.

Miss. H felt very upset.

She never signed up for either of these attentions. They just happened. Wasn't she allowed to decide whether she wanted to be with them or not? Wasn't she allowed to make up her mind? Wasn't she meant to have her own headspace?

Then why was everyone crawling up all over her business?

°•°•°•°•

Miss. H represents a lot of single women in careers and school today.

Society keeps thinking it knows what women need, but it doesn't embrace what a woman wants.

Free and much better medical care, peace of mind, security, steady and equitable pay similar to their male counterparts, more peace of mind, freedom to make their own choices and freedom of whispers from everyone about how they should live their lives.

Why does everyone but them get a say on how to live their lives?

2019 was a terrible year for women in Kenya. South Africa has a lot of bizarre domestic violence deaths, with women bearing the brunt of this issue. Strong men have been murdering and planning to implement degrading plans on women for a while now, and this has to stop.

Why would you force a chaotic relationship on someone? Some of us don't even need to be in one to feel complete, or get married. So why would you impose one on us?

°•°•°•°•

Women never feel safe.

Due to being labelled 'the weaker sex', we always strive to stay alive within the norms society has set for us. Ridiculous norms that is.

It is almost as if merely existing in society is already a chaotic relationship.

Who runs society? Well, that is a topic for another day. I would like to think though, that men have more say in women's affairs than women do. They control everything, and this doesn't work to their advantage.

If anything, women are at a huge disadvantage most of the time. People will tell you it isn't a big deal, that it isn't something the modern and more developed part of the world cope with, but that is a lie.

Subjugating women is a foreign thing. Local traditions uplifted the level of a woman in most societies. Matriarchal societies determined the fate of everything, and women were held in high regard. they could be generals, queens and soldiers if they wanted to.

She didn't have to marry if she didn't want it.

I think that was better than now.

I'd like to tie my tale here. I am going to be late for breakfast and my trip out of town. We will talk more on this in the future.

Yours sincerely,
Me.