I promise this won't be a long post.
I've never been the person who tried to fit into the mold. Not because I was striving so hard to be different, but simply because I am that one person who won't put in effort if they don't see the point.
This doesn't mean that I won't post anymore. It just means that for the longest time, I pushed myself to be there. By there, I mean a place where everyone could kind of see me, but they didn't.
Now that I am getting older, I find more and more reason daily not to head down that path. I am not saying that I don't like talking to people, hanging out and connecting. All I am saying is that I have a much lower tolerance for it, and I have finally started to understand that this is just who I am.
It has made me more expressive with writing than with speaking. It has its upsides and downsides, and that is fine. We are all different and our beauty is in our differences.
I don't know how I always managed to tell everyone but myself this. I hated seeing people in self doubt, and the pain of loneliness for them would make me do my best to reach out and help. I did all this, and wore myself out, and now I realize that I should have focused on myself too.
I feel like I am raising a baby version of my personality today.
It feels great to finally start focusing more on myself. Loving one self is not an easy journey. You beat yourself down constantly, choose others all the time, and worry about how everyone will perceive you. You can't completely be who you want to be when you are in this kind of situation.
It hurts.
So i'm daring myself to walk down that path that I couldn't go five years back. I hope I can fall in love with myself some more.
Okay, good night!
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